*Thursday, June 16, 2005*
2 weeks ago, i was sobbing like mad, hiding under the covers of my bed.. wondering why i listened to my 'stupid' bro, missing out on DNA, staying home to 'study' and miss out on one of the cultures, which was Holy Spirit.... the one thing i wanted to hear... i missed out on it and it was really mind blowing.. listening to Sanne talk abt it after....
a qn i asked.. was y i bothered listening, why he wasnt at home anyway.. but i guess God thinks differently... obedience was something i learnt... if it was something i wanted, God won't hold it back... i week later, at Urban Life, Matt spoke on it..... and well.. we had a prayer gathering and yah.. i finally mustered up the courage and confidence and faith and spoke in tongues...
how can anyone's faith level go up, up and down? mine did... juz yesterday... at DNA, my veri last one.. and during worship.. everything fell... it felt sooo.... down... like a spiritual attack and i knew tt i was gonna give in coz my inconfidence wif myself was back..., yet i was reminded, by the grace of God that if the devil constantly attacked me, there must be something abt God's plan for me that the devil obviously doesnt like, and that's when the rebuking comes in....
true.. sometimes, i do qn whether my 'tongue' makes sense, yet again.. its not supposed to make sense to me, but to God... but then again... dun i feel stupid?? i guess i wld always b poked in the back abt the sensibility of the tongue, yet it is by faith that we speak it out, and as the bible says, nothing is impossible if we have the faith as tiny as a mustard seed....
im learning many things.. and there are gonna b things hindering me... .. am i gonna b a mountain tortise and juz hide in my little hole, or am i gonna face that stupid thing that's holding me back and take up tt little faith n courage in me and rebuke it wif all my might??
there are issues in my life that were there... but not anymore... there are things in life that i haf to learn to take up or put down, to pioritise and stick to ...
im juz a high sch student... i dun haf as much 'free' time as my uni friends... there are things that they haf the time to do which i cant afford coz im in sch.... or haf to go for lessons outside sch... was talking to Pei Jet on mon and well... she taught me a lot in one/two sentence(s)... 'know which is important and do it well. God comes first and family comes after. Studies come before your ministries'.. and from that day on.. i wld ask myself... wat ever im doing at tt point in time... which piority is it? its makes life so much easier.. besides the issue of going to the formal or dna retreat....
though i know that i might haf to miss out on Laksa King dinner and Boom on fri.. hey... its not as if it'll neva happen again!!! guess i haf to learnt to control and manage time properly.. its my last yr of high sch anyway.... few more mths of hard effort and mayb painful sacrifices.. harder than 1st semester and i'll b looking at its products... thanks Phebe, for teaching me tt important lesson...
ling long picked a waterdrop @ 7:36 am
