*Tuesday, July 26, 2005*
what do i wanna be? the child in me, or the 17 turning 18 yr old? last night really took me to the tops of my challenge, to sit in my 1st discipleship with Matt and be challenged to do more...
on the train to sch... i was thinking... y was i called out of my comfort zone? i was really comfy... trying to do my thing.. hanging ard.. taking my time.. and all of a sudden... i haf thots filling my head, telling me tt its time to step out of my all-too-comforting zone and start chasing after God else i'll end up like a couch potato....
discipleship well & truly brought me to a whole new level, for me to understand and hear wat i wan to do wif my life other than sitting and hearing stuff abt wat others were doing for God.... it was then... when i returned home, lying on my bed... restless and needing to catch forty million winks... y im living my life without a challenge.... i hate challenges to tell yous out there.. but hey... tts was like b4 yesterday... haha...
wat i wanted to see? a lot of things... i remember wat Scott mentioned.. how we shld reach for the stars, so tt if we fall, we land on the clouds... and i juz asked myself how high had i been aiming for in the past 10 years of my life... when i was old enuff to remember... when i was mature enuff to see and understand wat was going on in my life... all this while... i juz wanted to pass my exams.. and head on to the next level... all this while... its juz been... as-long-as-u-pass-alls-well mentality... and i realised tt it was the wrong kinda mentality i was living my life upon coz all this while... my grades were showing me tt it was not alright.... i wasnt dreaming big enuff.... i wasnt giving myself more of a push than i shld haf been... i shld be kicking and punching myself hard till it hurts.. till i go all the way for what i shld be doing... not juz in my studies, but in each and every aspect of my life...
too long haf i been the youngest in the family.. where "everything's ok"... its not anymore... im no more the baby i was yrs ago..im a matured teen needing veri muchie to know y she exists and wat she can do wif her precious, wonderfully made God-given life right now... everyday now is a race against time... as 50 days till sch officially ends.. till exams officially starts... till my life officially changes 360 degress....
Scott also mentioned how in order to allow us to start running in 2006, we need to start sprinting in 2005 and i was really... "winded" out... we dun wanna regret in 2006 coz we were strolling... i def dun wanna see tt coming right now... 2006 is not only a time when planetuni is going full on for a whole new yr.. 2 whole batches of uni intakes.. but its a new level of education and life changing experiences for me... either i see myself retaking yr 12, else i'll be in a course God has led me to and allowing me to smoothly take flight and start soaring in..... i dun wanna live a depressed life in 2006 coz i didnt do well enuff or coz im not doing wat i enjoy and wat God has planned for me... i dun wan my studies to affect wat i can do for God... right now... its taking too much of my heart away, i feel tt wats left for the work of God is eaten away and left.. standing in broken pieces....
i wanna see my friends changed... i wanna see me going out there and making use of tt remaining 50 days to show them tt my God is real, and He changes life... whether u like it or not... whether u "think" u need it or not...
a high sch gurl went up to Pastor Mike Guglielmucci and requsted that he load her a bus coz she was so on fire to see a change in her high sch.... she managed to fill tt bus... lives change.... i wanna be tt gurl.. too long haf i lived in a mentality tt coz i brought 1 person to Christ... i can take a break for now... no way... not anymore... now... i wanna see tt happen to me... i wanna show myself tt though im going crazy over "supposedly studying", i can still bring more than a friend to Christ...
i def need help and guidence.. from family.. friends.. leaders.. pastors... i wanna be another gurl who filled tt bus.. i wanna see my schmates saved.... im sick and tired feeling like im the only one... it sucks me asking myself y i haven done more.. i dun wanna live in regrets, and wonder whys... i wanna see a grp of us doing this together... i dun wan to see only me running tt race... i wanna run wif excitment coz im seeing my unsaved friends finally joining me and pulling me along in tt race... tts the vision i wanna live my life by.... tts the kinda person i wanna be...
ling long picked a waterdrop @ 10:10 am
