*Thursday, August 11, 2005*
to u i seeked approval
to show tt i was worth it
when i did wat i did
i knew it was gonna hurt
i pressed on coz i thot it was right
but u proved tt wat i felt inside
was wat God was reminding me
silently tt i shld care
tt i shld remember
tt part of my heart
which went out to u
i questioned myself abt the real me
and He showed me last nite
tt He saw how i cared
n showed me tonite
tt u cared a lot too
the leaving out wasnt me
the doing-for-u was
i wanna let u noe
tt no matter how many new fds i make
no matter how much time i spent wif them
u are always on my mind
coz u are the blessing
God has so kindly provided me wif
thru our many ups and occational downs
we grew, not only in Spirit but in strength
tt we showed we cared
for one another
though sometimes u feel rejected
though sometimes u feel left out
i wanna say tt im sorry
sorry for being the one who placed it in u
our friendship has gone through tides
let not troubles wash it away
like waves washes the sand in
so does it throw sand out
i love u like the sister i neva had
i care for u juz as u r by my side
no more lit letters
tt was all in the past
now we are older
more mature
definately closer
wld u rather believe tt i told u
right out of my mouth
tt i forgot abt u?
or wld u believe
in my sms
tt i really thought abt u
yet circumstances didnt change?
wld u believe tt the real me
sees ur heart inside out
when it comes to situations like this?
God has given me this gift
of seeing pain coz i've experienced worse
i dun feel any worse
coz the worst is in the past
but its almost there
coz a sister like u
doubts the acts i do
pls tell me u'll forgive
coz i dun wan ur urderstanding
is tt how u see me?
wat is the real me to u?
can we ever move forward?
or wld u rather scorn?
the devil tries to pull us part
r we giving in?
i dunno wat kind of feeling u read this wif, but if the hurt's blinding u frm wat im trying to say, i dunno wat to do.
i dun need u to feel guilty or even feel tt im putting on an act. i dun wan u to "understand" coz its "ur fault and u've gotta get used to it". tts not wat this entry is abt. cant u see wat im trying to do, tt i dun wanna go back to wat we used to do. i wan us to move forward, together coz tts wat we were here for. do u noe tt i understand, tt i've been shown how u feel, coz i felt it, since 2 hrs b4 u called 2 nites ago. wld u believe me if i told u tts God's gift to me, to be able to predict and to feel any emotions b4 it happens?
u r more impt to me than any1 i've met this yr. every1 i befriend is impt in my heart, but u noe how i cheerish u becoz of time, n bcoz i cannot loose u coz im too scared to.. once, i didnt cheerish the time i cld spend in tt hospital room... then, i promised never to make tt same mistake. are we gonna let go now? i didnt see it coming, but i felt it the night beore it happened.
im sorry. i really am. other than tt, i dunno wat else to say, bcoz i've known u long enuff to see wat's coming, if i go on any further. i miss u, and the times we spent together.
ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:03 pm
