*Friday, April 29, 2005*

neva felt more relaxed.. confident.. loved before.... seriously... 1st time in history, where i dun enter an test conditioned room feeling stressed out, anxious... wif panic attacks... felt like tt whole fear-of-tests-and-exams feeling was fineto!!! i walked in and out... confident.. tt i cld do it... didnt really care whether if i read the qns wrong... the kinda mark i wld get.. nope.. tt was like the least of moi worries... the most impt thingo was tt i had overcome tt horrigible fear... and it felt GREAT!!!

its moi 2nd time at Urban Life, and i neva regretted it!! amazing... not boring.. not silly.. but its brand new everytime i go.
last nite, Eileen shared and it was based on Pastor Rob Bradbury's sermon last weekend!! and 1 thin struck me really hard was when she said " if u sya it out that you won't be able to do it for a certain situation, it creates a hole for the devil to put thoughts in your head, and u will neva b able to make it".. and i realise how true tt was today.... i was surrounded wif ppl hu had esl sac and they all went "i'm gonna fail".. and i realise how true Eileen's words were. tt hole wld b made bigger as the wrong menu is choosen and wrong thots enter our minds and affect the way we face our situations.

after the sharing.. we had to break up into small grps to pray... i was in a grp wif PeiJet,Amy, Juni, Bonnie, Tommy and 2 other guys who's names i didnt catch... anywaz... we kinda spilt again into guys and gurls for prayer (coz we juz shared how our day was in da bigger grp) and we gurls headed into PeiJets comfy room... it was a time of serious sharing, where wat cld not b shared outside was shared inside and i really admired PeiJet's courage to take tt step and share wif us her feelings abt some personal set backs... i realise tt all of us had issues wif our self confidence and wat it cld do to really affect us badly if not taken care of. i took up tt courage to pour out moi fears and i thank God for tt sharing and tt prayer. God really answered their prayers for me, esp for moi chem sac today as i didnt go in feeling panicky... and i had lots of self confidence today... thanks to God for helping me relax.. giving me a clear head... and time to do moi qns... thank God for not allowing moi to think abt moi size when others were talking abt loosing weight for da formal coz it really wasnt impt how u look like on da outside but on da inside... though some said tt i was a bit heavy... legs not slender... so wat?? wat usually affected me.. didnt really take effect today as i now tt God had this protection barrier ard me which was placed on last nite during prayer in PeiJet's room... Thank God!!!!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 1:30 pm

*Tuesday, April 26, 2005*

something tt i was quite interested in... yet didnt realli wanna get involved in at the moment... hmm... though its taken me like 2 weeks to write down moi experience... i wanna share tt experience...

i remember bible study... where we were split into 3 grps... Juni took mine.. and it was amazing.. like ppl talked abt the way God spoke to them.. and it was kinda surprising.. as i always tot tt ppl hear God's voice when He speakes to them... but i realised how wrong i was... ppl hear God thru diff ways... thru the bible.. thru ppl... thru anything... not necessarily by hearing His voice... and there was a lot on how ppl realise wat their calling is... by others... like ppl wld tell.. and there wld b tt feeling when some1 tells another person abt something and feeling like "hey!! He's talking abt me too!!" tts sort of feeling... ya sure.. ppl do tell to rub it in a bit.. make it clearer.. more towards the 100% certainity... but still.. amazing.. tt i didnt feel left out... tt i didnt feel worse tt i didnt really hear God... there's always tt certain impression... which sorta becomes one's conscience... tts prob God's voice in us.. that becomes part of us... the more we abide to tt impression.. the clearer it gets... the more unweary we get of it.. the more we pay attention to its presence...

hhaha.. food was gd... well done gurls!!! hope we wont haf to try diff types of chips this week coz the guys are bringing food unlike some1's urban life!!! haha... cant guys cook?? isnt it the 21st century already?? hahhaa... amazing... guys nowadays cook better than gurls... or even more than gurls... (speaking of me actually)... haha... thanks kor!!!! yumz!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 8:52 am

*Monday, April 25, 2005*

a song tt i fell deeply in love with the 1st time i heard it in arrow heights... the one tt stayed in my head for ages... the one who's full lyrics i cant seem to remember at the moment.. but its beautifull...
Evermore
I will sing
of the mercy of the Lord
(And) I will shout
Of Your JFaithfulness oh God
For there is none like You
Seated in Your majesty
Holy one i come
to worship You forever
You, are my God, my life, my all
And i live for You alone
I am Yours Evermore
Heaven and earth will shout Your praise
the wonders of Your name
I proclaim Evermore
And i will run
Into Your presence x2
Evermore

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 7:18 pm


lately.. i've been coming back frm DNA.. Church and feel juz like crying... like... i dunno... i thot moi burdens were taken away during church... but i end up feeling like i carried more than b4... today was bad... like... in the state lib... 12.30-3pm.. i felt tt... i was ready to give up on chem... though fears for chem were not as bad as psych last yr... but i cld almost feel tt horrible fear coming back...

was thinking... when did all tt fear start to appear.. once.. i talked to kor abt it.. and mayb he said... was coz of moi dad.... mayb... mayb he did affect me a lot... i prob still live in that shadow of experience... fears of being in any relationship... fears tt ppl close to me will juz go and i'll neva say "i love u"... fear of disappointing mom... kor.. my family... myself.. and of coz being a bad child of God... ,ayb tts when reality hit hard... too hard at tt time... sometimes... i feel tt when God blesses... satan hits hard too... i feel like im in this spiritual battle all this while... its amazing i haven tried to kill myself literally frm sec 1-3... 5 yrs... living in tt hell of an experience.. finally letting it go.. but wif all tt fear still in me... i wonder y.... y i let it haunt me... y i let it come between God and me...

in primary sch... tt particular church camp... pri 4 or 5.... tt particular youth pastor... tt particular message.. "u will b a help to the needy.. orphans..." i finally understood tt today... like it hit me hard... Russel was saying tt we were to recieve burdens of the lost from God... i didnt feel any on the count of ten... no names... frm God.. but frm me... but i felt tt hit... tt realisation... wat i haf been doing all these yrs... i've been helping fds... fds fds... giving advice to those i dunno of... tts the needy... wat abt orphans i ask God... lots and lots of tears.. lots and lots of qns... finally a realisation.... God has provided me wif strangers...
the feelings and emotions of ppl i do not know... y i feel so sensitive towards ppl's feelings is an amazment... almost scary... like.. emotions are transparent b4 me... like... y ask me abt advice abt love when i've never been in one? y ask me advice on experiences i haf neva heard of but can place myself so easily in their shoes... tts for being oversensitive... super analystic... its crazy.... but i wonder... had God placed that gift so early.. so young... for me to discover and become tt person hu was given 5 talents and went away to gain another 5 more.. mayb...
doing anything for God is neva easy... no way!!! but.. its thru all those trials tt God is seeked... how dad got sick... how the whole family started going to church... how my parents accepted Christ... wat dad's wish was... how God slowly appeared in our lives....
i so remember... the day i got my memory back... the day i opened my eyes to face the world... the day reality all made sense... the day God gave me a wake up call to stop living in a happy-go-lucky life... but a life tt needed effort...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:46 pm

*Saturday, April 23, 2005*

this blog has lived to its name...why?? its limitless boundaries haf made it an ease for me to pen down thots at any time of the day... tts wat makes it so wondeful.. a big "thank you" and a grateful heart onto the beautiful gurl hu introduced me to this wonder...

sometimes... i wonder, whether any1 reads this... willingly.. or forced... hu my audience(s) is/are.. but i wanna tell moiself tt the main audience is me.. probably.. to keep track of moi thots throughout the day.. the week.. the mths.. and of coz the yrs ahread....

its not like writting an essay for sch... where a topic is given, and u haf to stic to the pt.. and not go out of point... its open here... to talk abt anything... watever the mind says "write!!".. haha... i do hope to get encouragement frm moi readers... let me know tt u exist... anoynamous.. or even a nick wld do... but do leave comments... or juz pen down stuff.. its open... and no harm done.. if u disagree... im hapy to see it.... at least its better than writting to myself in a way.... so... speak up silent readers!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 8:26 am

*Friday, April 22, 2005*

wat is moi life??? something tt God wants.. i guess.... He's really chnaging moi life now...

3 yrs ago.. i was praying for a friend, who cld somehow drag me to church... haha... and Sarah-anne came over!! though i cldnt really join her in Trinity, which i really regretted not being able to (sorry gurl), it was really amazing tt well church timing and all.. i went to arrow heights for like twice in yr 2003.. then neva went back coz it was too far...

2004 came and so did sanne.. keke.. i remember Planet Shakers used to start at 4pm or was it 5pm, and like by the time it ended... it was kinda late for me to take the train home, and i'll always go to bro's hse.. adn somehow get a lecture frm him... b4 he sends me back to Heidelberg... haha.. then... they changed times... added a 2nd service... and after tt.. i moved in wif bro... tt took like half a yr... but its so cool.. coz though i haf to wake up like 6.30am everyday juz to get to sch on time.. i loved it coz well... i dun haf to take a long time to get to church and back... tt was the onli comfort i cld get frm living tt far frm sch besides tt early morning scenery i get to enjoy on the train to sch... its cooll... the sky and all... and sometimes i kinda see light shining through the clouds and think.. sooo beautiful.. all tt stuff tt God's created!!!

and yr 2005 came.. and sanney and i joined DNA, something which we secretly wanted to do in 2004 but guess it didnt occur for us to ask each other...(how dumb.. it was so close to us last yr).. met new ppl.. made lots of new fds... went to some "international dinner" which turned out to be a combine urban life meeting... something tt i didnt really think abt going to yet anyway.. met more ppl... had lots of fun... and im still having lots and lots of fun with all tt fellowshiping.. haha... if tts a correct word..

these term break hols haf been so fruitful... probably not study wise... but probably church wise... i feel more as a part of Planet Shakers (the DNA of it) than i wld haf felt this time last yr... and i've made so many new fds... countless... haha... it sort of feels as though God is teaching me... to find stuff tt i can look forward to besides juz stressing abt moi studies day in, day out... there's more to life than juz tt education system... and.. though DNA is really far in Kew... but i dun mind going.. coz its something i look forward to... and its wonderful.. coz like i haf DNA now on tuesday nights 1 week.. and the next.. i haf urban life to look foward to on wednesday nights.... how amazing is God!!!!!
moi life is busy now... really busy.. i dun deny tt... but i find more meaning to it than b4... i know tt moi studies might b affected somehow.. but its not as if i did a lot of work b4 getting involved with church... its more down-to-earth now... i even volunteered for ushering!!!! wanted to do tt for so lonnnggg.... haha.. (sanney u slow pok... if u had told me last yr... i wld haf signed up wif u ages ago!!! i wanted to do it!!! but wif u of coz!!!!!!!! ) a big THANK YOU SO MUCH for our Father in Heaven.. for answering moi prayers.. really in His own time... its not gonna b easy for me... this yr... being a yr 12.. coping wif sacs and exams.. and being constantly reminded of the scores i need to aim for on each subject to get into gd course in Uni... but i guess... i need lots of faith.. and encouragement.. and right now... church is providing moi wif loads of tt.... Thank God again...

huarry!!!! rach wants to attend church too!!! wonderful... hope she can come often and see tt there's more to church than juz going and leaving wifout staying back and meeting ppl our age ( what i did last yr.. how sad...). church is fun!!! exciting!!! amazing!! something to look forward to!!! every week is a diff experience.. and i pray so hard tt i'll neva b bored of it forever!!!! its definately something i'll remember for the rest of moi life!!! hope tt rach... u can join me.. if we ever hold tt booth for church at any other Unis.. tts an experience to remember... but i've never felt so happy being tt tired out...!!! NEVER!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:27 pm

*Thursday, April 21, 2005*

last nite.. i thot it was da end of da world on chem 4 moi... so freakin stressed abt it.. but hey... guess what!!!!! God really turned those fears ard.... today's studying in the state lib was cool.. neva felt i knew so much in a while... at least i cld do qns and understand why i got them wrong... tts a beginning.. now i know how to pray abt moi studies.... proclaim it out loud!!! haha... yah tts wat i did in the morn b4 i went 2 study.. i ahld do tt every morn frm now... yupz... it lifted moi faith level... so tts no prob... cool... moi blog's a testimonial for God... wowowowowow....

saw some1 i recognised today... remember him coz he was at the rmit fest thingo and i remember tt he was wif a gp of fds hu queued 4 fairy floss, but he was the onli 1 hu didnt wan one... y i notied him?? dunno.. he was a bit cool.. had this mature oldish jap look.. like a jap mafia look kinda guy.. but he wasnt cute.. he didnt haf tt small boy look.. i might forget how he looks in a few days time... but yah... amazing tt i actually saw him and found him familiar... too bad i didnt say hi... neither did i look him in the eye..neither did i wave and haf him look at me... hope he does come to church though... it wld b cool... i guess we r expecting some whom we met tt day to come... i do hope he does... he doesnt look like a Christian to me.. tts y i hope to bump into him again... hope he recognises me... than it wldnt b so weird...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 11:55 am

*Wednesday, April 20, 2005*

oh dear... been doing chem for soooooooo looonnngggg its still not done.. why or why did thou do chemmmm.... why oh why did i not drop it when i cld... shoots.... now im in for it... why oh why is lit so hard.. so tough... so many books to read and i haven started on any... im in big trouble.... seriously.....

2 weeks of hols are like 2 weeks of torture.. i dun even wanna look at moi diary for sac dates.... shoots.. y do i haf a feeling they are all the week back... oh God... pls pls help... pls pls hear moi cry for help..... okaz... might haf ta drink coffee these few nights to moi eyes up... if i do stay up.... haha... tough life peeps... yr 12 no fun at all... no fun studying i mean..

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:30 pm

*Tuesday, April 19, 2005*

Today was such a wonderful and blessed day, with such fine weather and such beautiful people around. wanna thank a lot of ppl for making this day possible..

to the fairy floss guy.. thanks for renting us the impt equipment as well as teaching Jon how to use it and stuff...

to Iris.. for organising this booth and helping us with talking to people about church... evangelising... for the tim tams and the water, and for carrying the stuff down too for us from ur place, not to forget allowing the machine to sit at ur place for a night. thanks for waking up early and helping us set up and buy stuff too...

To Scott.. thanks for helping sooo early in the morining, carrying the heavy sugar bucket and also the huge container wif so much chupa chups, forms and so on inside... and also for setting up the stand and all....

To our very own fairy floss king... Jono... haha.. thanks for organising help.. calling for help.. waking up early.. carrying equipment.. and veri imptly doing abt 200 or more sticks of candy floss adn evangelising at the same time.. pro huh?? .. thanks man.. really cool hairdo plus outfit after tt... enjoyed laughing at u 4 e day.. haha... sorry cldnt help u much but promise that if there's a next time... i'll definately do more than 2 floppy sticks.. haha

To Pei Jet.. thanks for help setting up... doing all tt evangelising... buying food.. doing the fairy floss.. looking like u came out from the machine itself... teaching me.. i finally got it right.. thanks so much... neva wear black wif fairy floss again kaz.... it looks sooo obvious!!!!!!

To Junni.. thanks for coming down early.. for helping us so much with evanglising and encouraging... thanks for washing up the container wif me... great help and we did a clean job too... thanks for sacrificing tt soo impt study time....

To Jolene... thanks for coming down all the way from Swinburne to help out.. evangelising and encouraging... thanks soo much

To TJ.. i hope tts ur name.. thanks for coming down to help too... nice knowing u... and hope to see u again!!! yea!!! made another new fd... hahhaa

to the rest of u out there... thanks for all tt prayer and help... for coming to our booth the Planet Shakers booth... for eating overflowing candy floss tt improved in shape greatly after... for being interested and friendly...

Thank you to the Satay Inn uncle and aunty.. your food was great.. the satay and roti... thanks so much.. we'll definately eat ur food again!!! not to be missed.. its near vic market~!!

For God who gave us strength and energy to last that whole day... standing.. fellowshiping.. worshipping You at the same time... Tnank You so very very muchie!!!!! Thanks for the weather... for the generous amount of help and kindness... Thank You for each and every person hu came up 2 us... hear us talk and for every single thing tt day... hope tt theer wld b more opportunities to do this kinda stuff again...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 12:00 pm

*Sunday, April 17, 2005*

wa wa wa!!!!.. tts all i can say man.. 1st time see urban life leaders standing on chairs praying for ppl... so cool the song... cant remember the lyrics now but really cool... Holy is the Lord... got a lot of glory one tt song... so cool.. sang it so many times.. moi tired brain juz failed me at this moment.... really time to let of a lot of things and leave it all to God... im learning but haf to apply a bit faster huh... neva knew it was so cool... juz going to church, worshipping Him and juz leave everything... really okay.. i left like all burdens away and He juz took them one by one as they spilled like tears from moi tear-stained face... yupz peeps...tts wat moi Amazing, Wonderful, Beautiful, Patient, Caring God is all about.... no more worries abt chem for now... He's teaching moi to take things one step at a time... dun look at the big picture and forget to paint it... tts wat i learnt... gd analogy was one at the cafe at Rathfdowne Street, where the owner gave me honey to put in moi ice mocha without ice-cream, when i was trying hard to dissolve sugar into the bitterness of tt coffee... tt struck me a lot didnt it?? and it was also when i had tt talk wif mummy and learnt a lot.. like realy increased faith and all... woo hoo... Amazing man this God of mine... Life-changing and not to be missed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:16 pm

*Thursday, April 14, 2005*

juz had a feeling inside... the realisation of the emptiness inside... i know whats holding me back from that satisfactory.. that fulfillment... and i know i have to give my whole away... cant hold back anymore... i have to lift my everything up. its my onli hope.. my onli salvation.....

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:13 am


wat does the future hold for me? i cant create the future, yet i can walk the path of the future i want... makes sense?
talking to sanne woke me up a bit few nights ago.. i realised how muchie i enjoy and cheerish these convos... meaningful and at ease... somehow i feel comfortable.. like how i pour everything out so easily.. its God's blessing, i told her once.. twice.. few times tt she's here.. and now closer than b4... really cheerish wat those horrigible arguments we had.. and tt competition of hu cld write the longest letter.. haha.. i think she always won.. oh welll
some ppl think abt juz the next step.. like ppl moi age wld b thinking abt uni.. and wat courses to do and so on.. yet i'd like to think beyond tt... mayb like wat i see myself working as.. and wat i feel called to do.. but sometimes.. interests change thru age.. and well.. i dunno wat i really wanna do at times...
close fds noe abt my calling to help ppl in need, to care for them... but sad to say... helping ppl in need catogarises lots of jobs and occupations... every occupation helps the society one way or another

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:09 am

*Wednesday, April 13, 2005*

argh!! stuff juz got erased... so im writting a better version of tt long entry i juz wrote... bear wif me!!!!!!

few days ago... i watched this tw variety show that energy and show hosted, called zhong yi zhe ge li bai liu zui hao xiao.. and they had this part of the programme where special guests were invited to give their fans a surprise by turning up at their house. well.. zheng yuan cheung was the guest at that episode and well.. for some one whu didnt haf a really gd impression on him due to his "femine" side in the rose, it was quite an eye opener.
yuan cheung's fan, xiao tong stopped pursuing her studies after graduating from high sch and her mom was kinda worried that she would not want to move up to uni for further studies and so since she knew that xiao tong really admired yuan cheung, she requested that he be the guest for this surprise. it was really cool in the way that yuan cheung shared his opinions with xiao tong and her family. to xiao tong.. he asked her to consider studying and working at the same time.. or even attending night sch. to her family.. he encouraged them that they should shower her with all the love and concern they can give her, to provide an encouragment for her not to give up looking for her interests... as ppl hu haf juz graduated from high sch sometimes loose their direction in life.. and all they need is time, care, love and support to find their goals, and the umph to carry on.

wat yuan cheung said really stirred stuff up in me. i know some peeps hu aim to get into melb uni and do any course.. they dunno wat they like.. wat their interests are.. they juz wanna get into melb uni and only that. sometimes... u dunno whether to feel angry or sad at them. sometimes it hurts to see that they pursue stuff without a down-to-earth aim. what should i do? what can i advise them to do? all they do lately when they haf spares is go out.. party... and its really the emptiness that is juz so obvious that they achieve after tt numerous partying.

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:30 am

*Tuesday, April 12, 2005*

Welcomzzzz... haha... to erm.. moi veri 1st entry of any blog...
was insipred by a certain SA (not to name any names) to pen down thots.. to be able to recollect memoirs of the past.. sounds good... i wld like to be able to look back at past entries and laugh or cry abt why i felt this way and that way.. to keep a collection of time spent in the yr 2005.
erm... hope tt any1 hu reads this wld find some thots on the same feelings and b able to leave comments on subjects u find worth reading and so on... so... a big thank you to friends.. family.. and of course to readers of this blog... haha...
a little blessing upon each and every1 out there.. all da best 4 ya future and DONT GIVE UP, on anything.. hope u may find encouragement and precious views

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 11:04 am