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*Tuesday, June 21, 2005*
sat... a whole day at Leadership Training Day... 3 sessions.. all by Pastor Glen Berteau... all 3... so amazing.. so direct.. so enriching.. its amazing... its really took tt step of faith to come... to stay for all 3.. and u noe... i didnt regret a single bit of it... not one moment... before going in.. i was sooo into the decision of going home after the 1st session.. but after tt.. i was like.. no... im staying for the 2nd.. and after the 2nd.. i was like.. no way am i going home!!!! cant believe i gave sun to study... i guess its all tt step tt took me up the top... wat to say.. leadership day was good... great... awesome!!!!
came sun... we were forwarned before hand by Pastor Glen tt he wld give a call for those who wanted the Holy Spirit in them... i sooo wanted to see Sanne and Shauna get it.. and i soo wanted to see myself.. not filled with the Holy Spirit, but baptised in it.. yup... last night... i really had a confirmation.. tt i did have the Holy Spirit in me... and i sort of "imagined" myself at the foot of the Lord... and juz handing out tablets with my subjects listed on each.. and the Lord juz passing me one with "peace" written on it... and hung it round my neck... and i juz felt.. i dunno how to describe... but it was like... as soon as i saw the tablet hanging round my neck... my heart and stomac wasnt tightening... it was... light... and i was juz so at peace.. tt i almost broke out in tears...
last night is probably a turning point for lots of us... and i never... saw Sanne weep tt much... not tt i can remember.. but there was joy in her weeping... and i was like... Oh Man!!!!! God is really amazing... bringing us all to higher levels... neva haf i wanted the Holy Spirit badly... and neva haf i felt... so blessed n so happy... like... i cld juz snuggle in bed, under my covers, and whisper a good night to the Holy Spirit in me... tts how... how... i dunno... i felt...
if u noe me well enuff... im definately hyper.. n i can definately cry and laugh at the same time... i mean seriously.. and when i stress out.. i juz go crazy.. but last night.. i slept... and.. i mean... u mu b thinking.. sleep than sleep mah... describe until like tt... but.. u dunno man... the next day.. was like 3 sacs!!!!! i mean.. hello... i dun anyone will sleep well... if u had a lit essay to write, an english "persuasive" to complete and a chem practical... if it was me... i wld haf been tossing and turning like a ship in a storm abt my lit!!!/... haha.. guess what.... lit was cancelled... chem prac was like... juz stirring water and taking its temp.. and eng was... ok... not bad... i mean... how much better cld the day get??? now.. its survivng the most impt and "stressing" thurs... and im all good... well... yah.. as long as im putting in consistent effort and not try and run away from my studies... yupz... i def can do well... all thru the grace of God ... !!!!
*Saturday, June 18, 2005*
today.. well.. tonight at least.. i learnt a lot of lessons.. had dinner wif Juni & Scott, and wellllll... they made me realise a lot about my studies.. from Scott, i learnt to enjoy and love what im doing, and not treat it as a chore.... its true.. tts all i've been doing these few years of studying.. and i used to always wonder.. why why why ppl working wld rather go back and study... and its true... our drive as students to study is to love what we are doing now and enjoy it, and its only thru tt, tt we are able to find fulfillment in what we do... from Juni, i learnt... why worry, when its all in His hands? and its true... i sometimes feel like i've taken far too big a step.. and i aim too high.. and its too much for me to balance...
in sch.. i learnt... to make samll achievements towards that goal... and well.. we had a psychologist speak.. and she was talking abt this lady whu did i dunno how many thousand km of skiing frm the antartica to the south pole or something like that and ppl asked her how it felt thinking that she wld reach the south pole.. and one thing she mentioned really struck me hard... " i didnt think abt the end... but i thought abt now... and what i cld achieve in a short period of time. i cldnt even see 1 meter ahead of me, but i look on towards landmarks and i felt a sense of achievement reaching those land marks... which finally led me to my destination"... my destination right now is to meet the mark required for me to get into what i wanna do... and right now.. my aim is to do my h/w, revise, practise more on what i need to do, and do the best i can...
i look so much ahead, that the future scares me totally... i dun wanna live wif the " i cannot get 90-95%" mentality.. but i wanna live wif the " as long as i put in my best effort, i will live wif no regrets on my results and i will definately be able to get what i need"....
thank You Lord... for showing me these few things in such a critical time in my life.... God doesnt only speak to us thru the bible, but thru other ppl... we dun even haf to only here Him like an audible voice... there are so many ways.. and so many lessons tt He can speak to u in.... Thank God for life and friends...
*Friday, June 17, 2005*
hold on tight 
starting on one of my 4 sacs tomorrow and i feel sooo weighed down by it.... wanting only to focus on 2-3 paragraphs, my head is juz spinning looking at all the "irrelavent" info i have collected juz for this topic... its not that there's nothing to write on, its juz tt im not in the mood to hunt for more...
few days ago, mon to be exact... i saw this picture of a child's hand holding onto an adult's and i was like... " i've seen tt b4 .. yrs ago".. and how much it represents us holding onto the hand of God.....so much I wanna grip on tight, to never let go, to never loose control..yet when times are tough,that hand sweats,and the friction that glues our hands together,slowly fade away.... Oh Lord, won't You grip on tight, never let me go,help me pull thru,these hard and painful days... won't You help me realise,You are on the way,everyday of the week,be it when i'm happy or sad,laughing or crying,relaxed or stressed,You are always there,to lend a comforting hand,against the shoulder and grip hard,signifying Your ever present comfort and strength......
*Thursday, June 16, 2005*
so busy that i haf to resort to drying my hair while reading the Daily Bread online.. but so amazing God's grace is that He still speaks to me through that noise....
The photo says two things to me about work: First, I must do it while I can. Second, I must keep it in perspective and not make it more important than it is. Because my days are numbered, I need God's wisdom to spend each one as I should.
this paragraph juz stood out as it was.... though i haf so much work... though its juz sitting there screaming " work on me!!!! work on me!!!!" its a comfort that God brings into my heart...
When Jesus healed a man born blind, He told His disciples, "I must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world" (John 9:4-5).
fews years ago, i remember going to Joshua 21 wif my beats friend and i remember the speaking saying "put down what u think god has presed upon your heart" and i was juz there... pulling my hair out coz i had no idea wat God was saying.. neither did i haf a clue on what to "fakely" put down... and my church camp's motto tt yr juz came out... and tt song "light of the world" stood out... this verse brings back so many memories... its like God reminding me tt He was there few years ago when i was chewing my nails... counting the strands of pulled out hair on the ground... and He still has tt plan for me....
right now... i pray for a balnace btw work and rest... and also for a undistracted state of mind.... i cant afford to waste time... neither can i afford to leisure during my presious moments in life... sigh sigh.. is it really end of term...?? Thank God for His word... and of coz for reminding me that i haf to place Him 1st.... coz tts the only way to success..... argh!!!! help God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
great.. end of term... 1 sac this week... fri.. eng... 4 next week... on all subjects... hehe... jonolim wld understand my plight... wldnt u? cant believe it... the week right after exams n im still working my butt off... harder.. or juz as hard as the week b4 exams.... now im thinking... was tt week a blessing in disguise or what?? gotta give up leisure time... but i cant live wifout the net... nope.. not when i need to research for eng.. and for the handbook... n look for limos for the formal.. wat kind of time frame am i living on?? i still need to rush for birthday presents... argh!!!! need to get scarfs done... oh dear.. Lord.... time's really in Your hands now... i wish... and wish hard... time will stop juz for me for 1 week... to study... to do stuff.. to get everything done and organised.... argh!!! cant believe im typing... still typing.. newayz... dun b too surprised if u dun see ne entries till fri... next week.... tata blog... for now.... its chionging time....... oh dear.. def gonna put on weight.... coz its stress = food=not moving abt=sitting on a chair 24/7 = cham liao!!!!!!
2 weeks ago, i was sobbing like mad, hiding under the covers of my bed.. wondering why i listened to my 'stupid' bro, missing out on DNA, staying home to 'study' and miss out on one of the cultures, which was Holy Spirit.... the one thing i wanted to hear... i missed out on it and it was really mind blowing.. listening to Sanne talk abt it after....
a qn i asked.. was y i bothered listening, why he wasnt at home anyway.. but i guess God thinks differently... obedience was something i learnt... if it was something i wanted, God won't hold it back... i week later, at Urban Life, Matt spoke on it..... and well.. we had a prayer gathering and yah.. i finally mustered up the courage and confidence and faith and spoke in tongues...
how can anyone's faith level go up, up and down? mine did... juz yesterday... at DNA, my veri last one.. and during worship.. everything fell... it felt sooo.... down... like a spiritual attack and i knew tt i was gonna give in coz my inconfidence wif myself was back..., yet i was reminded, by the grace of God that if the devil constantly attacked me, there must be something abt God's plan for me that the devil obviously doesnt like, and that's when the rebuking comes in....
true.. sometimes, i do qn whether my 'tongue' makes sense, yet again.. its not supposed to make sense to me, but to God... but then again... dun i feel stupid?? i guess i wld always b poked in the back abt the sensibility of the tongue, yet it is by faith that we speak it out, and as the bible says, nothing is impossible if we have the faith as tiny as a mustard seed....
im learning many things.. and there are gonna b things hindering me... .. am i gonna b a mountain tortise and juz hide in my little hole, or am i gonna face that stupid thing that's holding me back and take up tt little faith n courage in me and rebuke it wif all my might??
there are issues in my life that were there... but not anymore... there are things in life that i haf to learn to take up or put down, to pioritise and stick to ...
im juz a high sch student... i dun haf as much 'free' time as my uni friends... there are things that they haf the time to do which i cant afford coz im in sch.... or haf to go for lessons outside sch... was talking to Pei Jet on mon and well... she taught me a lot in one/two sentence(s)... 'know which is important and do it well. God comes first and family comes after. Studies come before your ministries'.. and from that day on.. i wld ask myself... wat ever im doing at tt point in time... which piority is it? its makes life so much easier.. besides the issue of going to the formal or dna retreat....
though i know that i might haf to miss out on Laksa King dinner and Boom on fri.. hey... its not as if it'll neva happen again!!! guess i haf to learnt to control and manage time properly.. its my last yr of high sch anyway.... few more mths of hard effort and mayb painful sacrifices.. harder than 1st semester and i'll b looking at its products... thanks Phebe, for teaching me tt important lesson...
*Saturday, June 11, 2005*
dunno wat to start of with.. but yesterday.. has really been THE BEST post exam period of my entire 16 and a half years of my life.... had breakfast again... with Scott, Juni, Shauna and AGAIN Paragon Cafe... and then.. went shopping for tt braclet i had my eyes on for the past week... went to "chill out" at Scott's place wif Juni,, chatted... had a massage.... BY JUN PPL!!!!.. BOOK ONE NOW B4 SHE LEAVES FOR GEELONG IN JULY!!!!!!! CHANCE NOT TO BE MISSED..... haha... oops... i was suppoed to do tt subtlely.... but.. oh well.. went home... went out after an hour for lunch wif Phebe... so honoured... to b the 1st person to celebrate wif her.. had new food... instead of bk chor mee... hey peeps... try new food leh!!! and went home to cook... but got a red rose for Phebe b4 tt.. argh!! thanks hon... cant help if im romantic.. haha
ok its Urban Life again... as usual.. that juz.... blows me away....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
got there... had dinner... fellowshiped here and there.. and Matt spoke... and wow.... worship b4 that was amazing... like.. seriously.... neva seen tt side of my "bro" and really ah... it gave me a new impression of him.. so.. might as well enjoy one of the rarest compliments i ever say and type out loud.... Scott!!!! U R SO COOLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! argh!! i mean.. hello lah... he was playing guitar at the start..for Hero than... it went to You Are and i head the keyboard.. and i expected to see Pei Jet... but no!!! i saw Scott playing and i almost lost my balance... haha.. wonder y.. but yah... he really looked different... i mean... i kew he played.. but neva imagined it.. and it was cool... proud to haf u as an "older bro" haha.....
okok... prayer was good.. no.. fantastic.. no.... UNDESCRIBABLE!!!!!! we prayed for like an hr plus plus plus k... broken up into grps... me and Shauna got a lot of support.... frm Ee Lin and PeiJet and Juni esp.... for us to speak in tongues.. and thanks to Sanney dear... for making me mass produce a bucket full of salt water..... thanks hon i love u!!!!!
guess wat.. !!!!! we did!!! argh!!! soo happy.... we def can speak in tongues... and well... heres a few thots abt tt really battle-like hour with myself process.....
cant really remember right now... but.. remember wondering whether i wanted it... didnt feel like at tt time.. felt no drive to take it.... but.. i knew tt i wld regret.. so was praying and praying.. asking God to forgive me.. and to take my burdens away.. to help me let go of situations in my life... and well. yah... ppl started telling me it was in me and i needed to so called acknowledge it.. and i juz remembered few occasions during worship in church where i juz felt like speaking it but i let it pass me by soooo many times... and i knew i had it in me so.. prayed for courage in speaking out... and yah.... i did and 2 syllaubus came out.. got fustrated.. move to PeiJet's room... got even more angey.. but i remember PeiJet saying not to strive for it.. but take it as it comes.. and well yah.. i left it there and focussed on Shauna... who wasgetting wetted.. for one moment... i was kneeling down on the floor... and water came down... i thought the ceiling had collasped and it was raining in the room!!!! hahha... or else it was miracle water flowing down like a shower... but it was water poured over Shauna... haha...
felt really discouraged when Matt came to pray for her.. coz i was juz questioning myself.. like... was tt me.. or God... was i speaking out of the Holy Spirit or out of my own will kinda thing... and i knew that i wld really like the next day... juz go bac into my little un confident hole and cry to myself.. but hey.. i had the ability to rebuke tt thought and it was really a relief over me... juz repeating tt 2 words over and over again... and well.. a lot of wat i felt Shauna g though... struggling wif the ability to speak out really got into me... like... stuff like ' not frantically seaching but peacefully finding'... 'believing by faith and not by brains'... 'pleasing ur desires and God and not others hu can only b there to encourage us'... stuff like tt came to mind and i really didnt wanna tell her... but i remember... really hearing this ' wat harm can it do? wat loss wld i get' and i was like.. yup... tts true.... never ever let go of tt chance... tt opportunity to grasps hold of tt blessing... coz u'll def regret ad i cld sooo see myself regretting badly if i gave in to my cant b botheredness!!!!
tts all i can say for now.. brain shutting down... but update is there... cant believe i didnt update for a week!!!! soz ppl.... love u
*Saturday, June 04, 2005*
oh man oh man... was looking through stuff in my comp and i found this... argh!!!! this is how i feel abt u peeps... like seriously... full on!!!! ARGH!!!!!We have forgotten how and when we met....how we first started out as friends....We never understood how people as diverse as us, can have so many things in common...days of sitting in coffee bars,wandering thorugh shopping malls,lazing at the viewing gallery, playing the guitar, singing songs...There's no such thing as half a cockpit, only half a plane...or even seeing half of what others see...Yet every new day as the morning awakes,i am thankful for a gift like this..in times when the world can be cruel and cold.i am sure of this true warmth which only comes from deep within, a love founded upon our Lord and Saviour.He who gels us all, depsite the initial differences...An eternity He has put into our hearts...Just want to let you know that i am so honoured and proud to call you my friends. Though we might be busy with our pursuits,may the love we have for Him and for each other, withstand the test of time..
Sometimes words are not enough to express how the heart feels, but i know your hearts feel it too..
Thank you, my friends. ....
now u see it... now u dun... wa.. set so fast.. like in 2-3 mins.. set liao.... cool huh.. my 1st time leh
watching the sun set juz outside the window at the law lib.... juz today
how amazing that my mom reads my blog.. and she enjoys doing so, laughing at those silly pictures... figuring out those short forms... its amazing how much we've grown closer... how much i can tell her.. how much i can share.. surprisingly, mom was cool about me going home beginning of jan next year.. love u mom.... but... i'll think about it.. and pray about the right timing...
amazing how my mom remembers faces... she juz mentioned remebering jono from the first anniversary service at church... how he was sitting in front of her... haha... didnt know my amazing memory for faces actually came from her.... no wonder... haha....
thanks mummy for that bible verse... for praying costantly for me... for everything in my life... because of u... i have the opportunity to experience new things and thank you for being so confident about me and everything i do.... i love u mummy.... every second, everyday.... so touched just hearing u pass a word from the bible to me... maybe i should get u started on this blogging thing....
mummy... please leave a little something on the tag board.... at least leave something so that i know how u feel about my entries... haha.. ok?? thanks....
i know that God is trying to encourage me now... since im feeling sooooo.... i dunno... bad abt my chem... erm.... dunno what else to say... juz a little thank you to all praying for me.. and i pray too tt God will watch over each and every1 of u... to hold u up when hard times pass... and to help me.. find something to seriously fast abt.. haha... oakz.... luv u alls
haven been blogging for a few day... and it feels strange.. like my life's soo boring.. haha.. these few days haf been crazy... balancing studies wif keeping saint... frm stressing out to crying out.. to i dunno.. thinking y im still not dead frm all this crazyness...
i dunno wat to say abt study life.. but right now.. i need to finish a lit essay wich usually takes me at least a week to finish... and now... 3 hrs.. to do it.. haha.. eng sac... and study for chem.. but of coz .. right now.. its eng and lit.. coz lit's due tomorrow.. and eng.. sac is tomorrow too.. and then... ahha.. no more sch for a weekk.. but harlo.. to exams... sheesh... haha... wonder which is better...
cant wait till tomorrow.. when lit and eng are all behind... and i can stay truly loyal and focussed on my chem... argh!!!! sounds like a crazy gurl talking here!!!!!
juz had lunchie wif Scotty.. haha.. amazing how these church ppl work.. talking behind ppl's back abt ppl.. haha... no lah.. joking... but yah... hey .. share wat u've been saying abt me mah... haha.. no lah.. i was asking him the diff btw Matt's discipleship and urban life's discipleship.. and he was like.. "wait lah.. u've still too young.. wait another 2-3 mths"... ahha... and i was like... " i might go after exams to Matt's".. and he was like.. "oh ya... Ee Lin told u huh"... and i was like.. okkkk... do u guys like talk abt us all.. like tt... haha.. veri cool though... haha
luv u ppl to the core.... really seriously... so much tt im gonna stay and not go back this yr... well.. if my mom allows... haha... and stay for e conf... but still... its not only the conf.. but also for my uni posting and all.. right?? so... will she allow?
hmmm... but everyone's going back so early!!!!!!!!!!!! oh well... i do wanna go back home.. but i rather settle stuff here b4 going back.. than i dun haf to kan chiong... and not haf a gd holiday back home... hmm... think think...
these few days haf been great... talking to Ee Lin and Juni when i feel like crap... learning abt stuff... finding comfort abt stuff... all these beautiful ladies and handsome men im surrounded wif reminded me to something i once felt touched by....
have u ever realised tt the ppl around us are actually Angles sent from Heaven, to guide us and to be with us through our ups and downs, and when their mission is accomplished on earth, they return to Heaven to be with the Lord...
used to cry when i read this.. and it juz seems soo real.. like thru hard times.. i know hu to call.. and this yr has been really hard.. but it felt so much easier than last yr coz i was able to cope... wif all my Angles ard me... and i really thank God for each and every1 of u... i wont name names... coz i might forget to name a few... but... i remember each of u and i wanna say Thank You...Thank You for all ur guidence.. your comfort... your encouragement... your fun, your laughter, your presence, your strength,your prayers, for u... for juz being u... for all tt advice and conidence u haf in me... i cannot express my gratitude in any other way... but i juz wanna say..ur presence has really changed my lifegave it a new lookgave it meaning,gave it strength, gave it a hope and a futuregave it realitygave it fun and fulfillmentgave it life...Thank you..Thank youthank you this is what i "lost"...... but i found it... hahahaaha
*Friday, June 03, 2005*
im a sentimental gurl... like seriously... veri veri sentimental to the xtreme.... dunno when it all started... but its still running like adreline in me....
things ppl do... things tt touch my heart.. they will b penned down.. and kept forever as memoirs i can revisit.... feel like writing a bk 1 day... haha... a bk specially for me... and it will b called.... cherished moments in a sentimentalist's life.... cool huh... yupz.... definately....
im tired.. tired of living up to ppl's expectations of me... tired of living up to other's expectations.... but then agian... if i dun... i prob wont find an aim to wk towards... juz tt.... well... if some of u noe my cuz... shes really wat i wld call a perfectionist... meaning.. she's organised.. ready.. prepared....im prob the opposite.. and well.. yah.. mayb its juz coz im the opp.. tts y its getting onto my nerves... great... sigh... i need to feel prepared for my chem.. but i noe im not putting in my 100%.... common gurl... u can do it... tts the spirit ain't it? yupz.. if onli it works most of the time... haha.. oh well... pray tt i will spend solid time wif God when he calls every min and every sec... mayb i'll get tuned in to His constant encouragement and strength soon....
oh ya... abt the thank you stuff... well... ya.. last nite.. had a few calls.. and it really shook me... haha... PeiJet called... saying tt she bought bubble tea for us, coz she knew it was exam period.. and thought we might b stressing and so wanted to bless us... i mean.. common gurl.... hu wld do tt?? well.. now we noe... and then... Juni called... to see how i was... to make sure i knew tt DNA retreat form was due on sun.. and to make sure i had made up my mind btw the formal and e retreat.. then.. Jolyn called... to ask how i was... and i was like.. ok.. this is getting freaky... like... can i look into the future or something.. coz i juz finished tt thank you thingy in the evening and ppl start called 5-6 hrs later... amazing.. than scott smsed... and i was like.. tts it... going home immediately to talk to God...
thanks guys... u all really rock my life... serious.. no kidding...
lots of luv
ur cute meimei...
ling.. the bell...
is this cool or what!!! it was taken on the train... last yr.. haha.. me and my cuz
awwww.. how cute... a bit blury... but.. can u peeps tell hu he is??.. big hint.... he's attached.... he loves pink scarfs.. and he's wearing mine!!!!!!! oh man... how many guys do u all noe wants a pink scarf.. wans to dress his future son in pink and daughter in blue baby clothing... except tt he cant else they'll loose their colour identity??? well... now u noe 1....
this is really break of day loh
big guess hu sleeps da most during chill out sessions!!!!
*Thursday, June 02, 2005*
argh!!! wat happened to my previous entry.. got taken away!!!! well.. i put may 31st and its disappeared.. so i haf to retype again... argh!!!!
dunno y im doing all this chem.. but i got eng sac to rush.. lit to hand in tomorrow.. and then.. i can be loyal and focus entirely on chem.. argh!!! wat kinda sick gurl am i?? haha... only for a few days.. and its hols!!! not really.. but end of exams.. haha... yesh!!!!! but hu gets 1 study break day though.. sheesh... weird sch...
forgot wat i wanted to say liao... oh yah... i dunno how i even survived this yr... but i know i haf... its such a blessing tt i've come to make friends like these beautiful ladies and handsome gentlemen i'm constantly surrounded wif coz i know hu to call for help... for comfort.. for laughter... i remember something tt used to touch my heart.. and it goes something like...
haf u ever realised that the ppl u are surrounded wif are Angels sent from Heaven, to walk u through life, to comfort u and to be with u, helping u all the way.. and when their misson on earth is accomplished, they go back to Heaven to join the Lord..
and its sooo true.. like this yr.. my workload hasnt been easy.. and life hasnt been smooth, but its been bearable... coz of the presence of u guys... cant describe how im feeling right now, but i wanna say Thank You.. to each and every1 of u... i may forget some ppl.. so im not gonna list names.. but.. yah... words cannot describle even 1% of how i feel abt u guys.. and yah.. but here goes...thank you for being there,to give me comfort,to give me joy,thank you for ur laughter,ur joy, ur fun,ur comfort, ur strength,ur presence, ur encouragementthank you for u... for juz being u..for changing my life...turning it around,giving it new meaning,giving it new life,along wif new hope.. new light thank you for being that special ufor being part of my life,for helping me grow,for allowing me to see reality and enjoy lifethank u for being part of the love God has bonded us so tightly wif,for being there to lend me a shoulder to cry on,for being there to make me laugh,to make me go crazy over,to make me smile,to make me tease,to tease me back,to make sense,to i dunno... touch my life no other special people haf managed to do so....u peeps r really special... to me.. and.. i juz wanna sayThank u.. Thank u... Thank you so muchie.. geges.. jiejies..meimei's..didi's..thank you...
Name:linglong
Location:Melb, Spore
Likes:God's creation of nature
Dislikes:not being happy
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