*Saturday, July 30, 2005*

abt 58 years ago, a little young, cute, baby boy was born into a family of 4... being the 3rd child, i guess there were things that he was made to meet the expectations and results of his 2 older brothers....

i really don't know a lot abt his childhood days, but i do know for sure abt mine... the days where i used to misbehave... and he ran after me wif the cane... and me stealing the cane frm the top cupboard... and chasing after him, running ard the dining table.... those were the gd ol' childhood memories everyone wld haf wif their parents when they were young....

Happy Birthday to the most important, the greatest influential, the best in the whole world ..man in my life.. i miss you greatly and i love you

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 8:47 am

*Friday, July 29, 2005*

not too long ago... was watching this show call guess guess guess.. a taiwanese entertainment show.. with one of the segments of the show... the strongest pettie gurl... and there was this gurl.. hu went on the show... really skinny yet pretty.. and she was given this opportunity to say something to her mom.. and she ended up crying badly.. coz she suffered frm depression not too long ago.. and coz she was so skinny.. she was sickly and all.. and she finally broke down and realised how much pain she had caused her loved ones and how much she wanted to go back to her old happy self...

a promise i made to myself 3 yrs ago, tt i wld def do better than in Spore.. and show to my loved ones tt i was capable of gd results... yet now, as i look at myself, i realise tt i had discovered probably an interest which cost me the time and concentration to study... funny how last min ppl dun feel the stress till the days go past and the time for something big draws near...

to my beloved mummy.... wanna thank you for your constant encouragement, that no matter how much i have disappointed you in the past, you've never given up on me... thanks you for being that strong pillar of strength in my life, and for being the strong parent you are to pull this family together... your little girl doesnt want to disappoint you, but sometimes she finds it so hard to concentrate... this promise i make to you, daddy and korkor, and to myself, that though i have not yet put in my 101% in my tests this whole year, and even in my mid-year chemistry paper, i will give it my best shot at the end of the year for all my papers. i dont want you to worry about me anymore. i love you mummy... and i miss you lots....

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:56 pm

*Wednesday, July 27, 2005*

a little gurl... once grew up feeling tt emptyness iunimportant things of thwnside... pursuing things that cldnt satisfy her.. tt made her run after it again and again, trying to find satisfaction in her life... she was always looking.... forever.. in search of something to satisfy tt emptiness in her....

things changed when she grew to know God.. when something happened in her family, that she was introduced to the idea of church... and that faithful day, when she gave her life to Christ, the amt of tears flowed.. the expectancy felt... though she felt that she wasnt growing enuff.. though the world pulled her down, she always knew when to get up again and run tt race...

wat started as a stroll turned to brisk walk... and she started overtaking ppl along the way... juz like any runner who speeds up and leaves his/her competitors behind... yet they were unhappy that she was not one of the last.. and they pushed their way thru... she felt tired.. tt such a race wld be so difficult... so full of pain and torture... tt she decided to take a rest... though she wanted veri much to go on, she stopped..

as the little gurl sits down... she realises tt all she wanted to do was not only to get fit, but to encourage her friends to take part in tt race wif her... yet.. she ignored the help along the race, where other runners stretched out a hand, wanting to pull her along, as they had pulled each other along tt track... she relied so much on her own strength, tt when it wore out.. she was left wif little motivation to move on... to go closer to the finishing line...

so often, we rely on ourselves unintentionally to try and do wat we think is God's will for us, so much so tt it becomes a burden, rather than a passion, tt it puts the fire in us onto a candle stick... and when all the wax has melted... we cant carry on wif life coz the fire's out...

i remember a time when i was reminded tt as a child silently cries out in his/her little room, God hears.. and wants tt child to start depending on Him as all the while he/she had been depending on him/herself... God knocks in our hearts at times of trouble and its time we started depending totally on Him...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:14 pm

*Tuesday, July 26, 2005*

what do i wanna be? the child in me, or the 17 turning 18 yr old? last night really took me to the tops of my challenge, to sit in my 1st discipleship with Matt and be challenged to do more...

on the train to sch... i was thinking... y was i called out of my comfort zone? i was really comfy... trying to do my thing.. hanging ard.. taking my time.. and all of a sudden... i haf thots filling my head, telling me tt its time to step out of my all-too-comforting zone and start chasing after God else i'll end up like a couch potato....

discipleship well & truly brought me to a whole new level, for me to understand and hear wat i wan to do wif my life other than sitting and hearing stuff abt wat others were doing for God.... it was then... when i returned home, lying on my bed... restless and needing to catch forty million winks... y im living my life without a challenge.... i hate challenges to tell yous out there.. but hey... tts was like b4 yesterday... haha...

wat i wanted to see? a lot of things... i remember wat Scott mentioned.. how we shld reach for the stars, so tt if we fall, we land on the clouds... and i juz asked myself how high had i been aiming for in the past 10 years of my life... when i was old enuff to remember... when i was mature enuff to see and understand wat was going on in my life... all this while... i juz wanted to pass my exams.. and head on to the next level... all this while... its juz been... as-long-as-u-pass-alls-well mentality... and i realised tt it was the wrong kinda mentality i was living my life upon coz all this while... my grades were showing me tt it was not alright.... i wasnt dreaming big enuff.... i wasnt giving myself more of a push than i shld haf been... i shld be kicking and punching myself hard till it hurts.. till i go all the way for what i shld be doing... not juz in my studies, but in each and every aspect of my life...

too long haf i been the youngest in the family.. where "everything's ok"... its not anymore... im no more the baby i was yrs ago..im a matured teen needing veri muchie to know y she exists and wat she can do wif her precious, wonderfully made God-given life right now... everyday now is a race against time... as 50 days till sch officially ends.. till exams officially starts... till my life officially changes 360 degress....

Scott also mentioned how in order to allow us to start running in 2006, we need to start sprinting in 2005 and i was really... "winded" out... we dun wanna regret in 2006 coz we were strolling... i def dun wanna see tt coming right now... 2006 is not only a time when planetuni is going full on for a whole new yr.. 2 whole batches of uni intakes.. but its a new level of education and life changing experiences for me... either i see myself retaking yr 12, else i'll be in a course God has led me to and allowing me to smoothly take flight and start soaring in..... i dun wanna live a depressed life in 2006 coz i didnt do well enuff or coz im not doing wat i enjoy and wat God has planned for me... i dun wan my studies to affect wat i can do for God... right now... its taking too much of my heart away, i feel tt wats left for the work of God is eaten away and left.. standing in broken pieces....

i wanna see my friends changed... i wanna see me going out there and making use of tt remaining 50 days to show them tt my God is real, and He changes life... whether u like it or not... whether u "think" u need it or not...

a high sch gurl went up to Pastor Mike Guglielmucci and requsted that he load her a bus coz she was so on fire to see a change in her high sch.... she managed to fill tt bus... lives change.... i wanna be tt gurl.. too long haf i lived in a mentality tt coz i brought 1 person to Christ... i can take a break for now... no way... not anymore... now... i wanna see tt happen to me... i wanna show myself tt though im going crazy over "supposedly studying", i can still bring more than a friend to Christ...

i def need help and guidence.. from family.. friends.. leaders.. pastors... i wanna be another gurl who filled tt bus.. i wanna see my schmates saved.... im sick and tired feeling like im the only one... it sucks me asking myself y i haven done more.. i dun wanna live in regrets, and wonder whys... i wanna see a grp of us doing this together... i dun wan to see only me running tt race... i wanna run wif excitment coz im seeing my unsaved friends finally joining me and pulling me along in tt race... tts the vision i wanna live my life by.... tts the kinda person i wanna be...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 10:10 am

*Friday, July 22, 2005*

how many times haf i blogged abt urban life..? haha.. prob everytime i haf attened one, i wrote something about it... cant help it... it affects me sooo muchie... i juz cant help but share...

someone once asked me... whether i thought that my blog was a bit too personal for people to read... now come to think about it.. i blog not oly when im at home, but whenever im in sch.. or on the way to sch... i pen down stuff that come to mind... and they appear on my blog....

sure.. its personal... but i guess.. if i minded.. nothing will b up... one DNA seesion was talking abt the ways we evangelise... writting my blog is one way... thru persoal experience, one is able to evangelise... doesnt matter whether i know u or not.. wat matters is tt u reading this... esp if u're a non christian...

urban life: ..... last night... i went early... reached abt 7pm.. and ended up in prayer at abt 7.15pm... b the time i got out almost half an hour later, PeiJet's hse was surounded by ppl... but the thing was... i thot i was in the wrong hse.. coz i took soo long to find a familiar face in clusters of ppl.... amazing huh? it was mind blowing... i thought 2 weeks ago was great wif the turn out... this week is even better... def pray tt they'll all stay and not let it be a one time experience...

Ee Lin was sharing stuff abt where our passion lies and wat it takes to multiply it... and seriously... i mean... its def not the 1st time i've mentioned that the stuff EeLin shares is mind exploding... i guess the stuff she spoke abt was in me for a veri long time.. how i dounbt myself a lot.. how i see myself slowly growing in God and how i begin to feel like i stand out so much amongst my friends and how hard it was to show them and be an example to them tt i was diifferent and it was better for me....

i was basically on the verge of a breakdown almost... haha... thank God for Ee Lin and her prayer time.. for us to come out.. and awake tt passion in us....

i thank God so much for the people who prayed for me... for Jolyn.. Phebe.. Jono.. Shuana.. Lili... a lot of stuff that when JOlyn, Phebe, & Jono spoke out really woke me up... and i thank God for teaching me and reminding me of what i can do and tt im someone in His heart....

when EeLin was doing her little intro of what Urban Life was... i had this sudden urge to share... haha.. like wat was Urban Life to me.. EeLin mentioned abt that family we haf, the love and the little things we did for one another... like cooking porridge for someone hu had food poisoning... so on and so forth... and to me... there was so much more...

Life this year has really been a life changing experience and i haf definately gotten a lot out of the multiple of friends i've made.... argh!!! sometimes i still cant remeber names... but i def remember faces... and i love it when i go up to them.. and reintro myself in the hope tt they too forgot my name... ahhha... too bad... its oly my memory tt fails me at times like this.. coz they remember.. oh wellls.... i'll juz use my killer laughter to save me frm embarassment... hahaaaa.... argh!! im really tired now... hope to hear frm me soon....

yea!!!!! sanney's coming back soon!!! dearest... i luv yoos.... take care.. haf a safe trip back.. and call me when u get back kaz? i luv yoos.. and Jono wants his mp3 back.. haha... tts all... oh yah... call me when u're back... gotta sigh u up for some talk on tues which i cant make due to sch career expo... but u gotta go... coz its part of inner champ.. and more than tt... kk.... byeeeeeeee

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 6:40 am

*Tuesday, July 19, 2005*

no way am i gonna be mittle miss nicey nemore... mon.. such a bad day to start the week... if i started on tues.. mayb i wldnt haf ignored miss s and neither wld i haf to hear her and her unpleasentness abt me missing dinner wif miss p and how pointless it wld be to haf dinner cum celebration for miss p if we were to hold it another week later... well.. miss s... if u werent so selfish as to stay home the mon b4 sch... we cld haf gone out according to the birthday gurl's wish and DEFINATELY NOT YOURS.. look hus talking abt being selfish here? u think i dun haf plans and i haf to listen to u barge ur selfish way into my life, acting like u take control... well... u're definately not gonna take over my life... and im not gonna let u bring me down...

cant believe the stuff u haf said to me this whole yr... a big diff.. btw sch "friends" and church friends... btw friends hu bring u down.. and friends hu build up ur confidence.... cant believe u noe tt wat u say hurnts and still continue to say it and not change.... cant believe im a coward to satnd up for myself and juz give u the impression tt im timid... cant believe i cldnt be bothered and didnt want to defend myself... cant believe im going to scream my head off.... no more little nice gurl... not now anyway...

if today wasnt mon... i wldnt be wondering wat kor will say when he comes home to find his honey pork burnt.. till there's no sauce left... o welll... wat can i do?... hate mondays now... def need to find time to talk to God abt this... i hate mondays.... soz to those reading this... im def not in my best moods.... life suxs.. to the core now...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:58 pm

*Monday, July 18, 2005*

its miraculous how things i used to do in the past.... dun give me the same sense of satisfaction when i do them now... everyday.... this question pops up in my head.. " how am i doing God's work" unconsciously... so much that i've juz realised how much my spirit is crying out to grasp hold of wat i'm not doing right.... "what wld God say... how would He feel" has been drilled into my mind.. that it becomes so much of my life...

fri night... was at PeiJet's place. and we were watching Pastor Prince at New Creation & Joyce Meyers at Hillsongs conference preach..
i've never heard either... but few things that Pastor Prince mentioned really stood out... and yelled practically at me.... when satan comes along wif thots in our minds... abt how God would feel when we do something wrong.. always think of the reverse.. as satan is the king of lies... and tt really woke me up.... the times i felt my confidence fall... the times i felt my mood plunging down a hill when i do something wrong... it was all part of satan's plan... to make me feel like i'm unloved.. unimportant.. and worthless... yet last night... i took out my cd... and started watching this behind the scenes of united life's look to you... and it juz calmed me down soo much... the way i observe those musicians & their passion for God and their music... and i asked myself.... "how r u gonna play like that?" n... its like... hey.. i wanna be someone like tt... some1 hu is able to impact the lives of others... someone hu stands out frm others coz of the things she persues and isnt afraid of nething coz she's doing it all for God... and.. i realise tt it was how passion is realised... when we go after God... and we see the things we can do for Him.. and we do it... tts how passion is found... created.. and tts how the talents multiply..

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:17 am

*Wednesday, July 13, 2005*

wat to say.... Inner Champ was awakening day tonight for me.. coz... 3 days in a row... God taught me different things abt a certain issue... and kept providing alternative pathways... for me... behaving exactly like what i wld call.. a catalyst... haha...

Pastor Sam Evans spoke in the 1st session - Faith to move moutains... and it was really an opening night!!!!!! during worship, Pastor Sam took over frm Mike Webber and started telling us to get rid of us worshipping in the flesh and start in the spirit by throwing things in our minds down and clearing our brains of all thinking... and i juz felt soo light.. sooo electrified.... and juz imagined myself on a field... with God seated right in front of me... and worshipped Him like i hardly ever did... and it was soo... like i felt like i was the only one with Him alone... in my huge field amongst the mountains.... it was way too cool.... like sound of music.... yupz... those mountains and fields....

Faith is past what we see, hear, feel... its deep within us, it becomes our gut feeling to tuning in to what the Spirit's saying. Faith is the carrier of a word to see it manifested into our lives. when someone else steps out in faith and proclaims something, tt person's faith could be the key to a breakthrough in another person's life. As soon as we begin to step out in obedience to God's word, we need to shut the doors of doubts out, else we'll get pulled down by them....

this really taught me something... few weeks ago... i was chatting wif sch friends abt my enter score and what we needed to get to get into watever course, n i rememer myself mentioning tt i wanted to get into commerce/arts which required prob a min of 95% and my friends were like... "seriously.. its hard for me... let alone you... we'll never be able to make it.." and i felt myself falling .... like... uh oh.. tts it... tts it... tts the end of uni entry for u ling.... but today... when Sam spoke... it was like God shaking me fully awake and saying that if i really BELIEVE and HAVE FAITH in not only Him but also myself, nothing's too hard... even if i wanted to score above 90%... it was not an impossible thing.
and i was totally shaken... its time... its time to let doubts talk to the hand and shut those wrong stuff out in my life... i'm def headed for a better future than wat the devil's providing... and i def need to get in touch wif the correct confident side of me....

Pastor Ben Fewster spoke in the next session - Planted in the house of God.. and it emphasised on the people we spent time wif and what we did during our spare time... and the importance of how little things like these show others what kind of Christian we are. we need to be products of our environment, and we def cannot let our unsaved friends be more of an influence to us than we areto them, or we won't be able to help them and even get ourselves pulled down.

When we let our will take control of our emotions and nothe other way round... its usually tt which makes the time an awesome one!!! i agree totally with tt coz one of my most amazing experiences came from feeling exactly tt way...

few yrs back... i remember one evening, my best friend est msging me, telling me to go for a Joshua 21 concert/conference.. watever u call it and i was like... erm.. no thanks... i mean.. i was tired and she was persistent.. and i was kinda pissed and was debating like crazy.. and i complained to my mom during dinner.. and i was super black face... but she finally smsed and said " i juz feel that God wants u to come along tonight" and i was like.. ok.. ok.. like if God told u.. i muz go right?? so i went.. unwillingly.. and it turned out to be one of the most touching nights... i cant remember details.. but only tt we were shown some video abt this guy loosing his dad.. i was like... erm... tts like me... and i cried bucketloads... mayb tts y i cant remember wat happened after tt... but anyways... tts not the only time... like sun was another gd fresh example where i had to do ushering for PeiJet and i didnt wna stay coz it was 3rd service and i was kinda gone liaoo.. but i did.. and it was a 180 degress thurn for me... soo.. in conclusion... when our emotion FOLLOW our will... tts the way to end the day... not the other way round... its time to stop our emotions from controlling us, but let our will take over...!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:05 pm

*Tuesday, July 12, 2005*

sat's sermon was diff frm yesterday's....

we were given the illustration of an unopened bottle of mineral bottle...

it's like our lives, filled with water, ready to quench the thirst of whoever breaks the seal, open the cap and pour out... but some live lifes, where they do stuff, but don't break the seal upon their lives and therfore never able to bless and to be refilled by God.
There are also others, who manage to break that seal, open the cap, but they don't throw it away, instead, allowing it to cover and uncover the bottle whenever required... living their lives not to the fullest, but to a pretense, that maybe somehow, they might fit in.... whenever....

what kind of Christian are we? the one that tries to please others by how we act, how we dress, or God, who knows our full potential and wants only of our hearts to go all the way for Him? come to think of it... if the expectations of the world were weightless, how light would we feel coz God's expectations are lighter.. and how much further we would be able to go for Him... sometimes, i wish i was full of worry abt things i could do for Him, than be burdened by friendship problems, and so on and so forth...

usually, after going for 3 services, i'll usually tune out by the time it comes to the 3rd... coz its really mind challenging for me... but hey.. yesterday was fabulous... like.. the 3rd was the one which recharged me to the max... and i was awake.. and listening despite ushering.. and thinking abt stuff... n worship... was not challenging, but a time where i had to myself, standing by the doorway with ppl i didn't know and feel like i was at home, no distractions, juz a live band, even at the end of the service, ppl were even more hyped out and jumping and praising him with "Majesty".... our new song... total coolness...

to make things better... i was out wif like Jamie, Sharene, Iris (whom we bumped on the way to Red Silk and practically ambushed her), Jono, Ray, Tj, Darrel.. for dinner... and though i was feeling kinda weird.. but hey... they were definately a hilarious & amazing bunch... and i went home tired, but with a full stomach, a new "dai kor"... and a lot a lot a lot of fun.... all thanks to my "more experienced in life bros and jies, but sooo much younger hearts"!!!! def got to know u peeps a lot better.. and def grown to luv u all and appreciate ur "funniness" a lot more.... cant wait for another time like this!!!!!!! *MUCKS!!!!!!!!!*

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 7:35 am

*Friday, July 08, 2005*

in life, we sort of haf to do stuff for the 1st time,to be able to step into a new period of our knowledge, to increase it, to mature, to grow...

juz had my 1st driving lesson abt 3 hrs ago... waaa... neva thot it was tt hard to drive... no major accidents... no crashing... juz some really funni stuff like stepping on the brake while turning, being too far left or too far right on the road... a few heart attacks here and there.. oh man... scary lah... but hey... im hving a 2nd lesson tomorrow morning at 8am!!!! i mean... no sleep, traffic is gonna kill me man!!!! argh!!! no lah.. at least i know tt i'll b doing less moving, more observing, trying to fit into traffic conditions...

wat was i gonna say at urban life... oh... realised tt i didnt put it down in my previous entry....

haf u ever had an experience where the more u stare at someone, the less u recognise tt person? a friend told me tt one day when i was in spore studying, and its been on my mind ever since... y?

i once told a friend, that if i didn't know her, i wld walk pass her on the streets without talking a 2nd glance. its not that she's not attractive, its juz tt she's like any other gurl, normally attractive, n not someone popular that she stands out in a crowd. that's how we all are, yet when i stared at her face, it was as though i was looking at another person and i juz saw her attractiveness glowing right at me.

its not because she's any normal gurl, but because she was on fire for God tt made a huge difference. i saw tt light in her, and the way her face lit up when she was talking abt the things she could do for God, was as though someone installed light bulbs in her face and turned them on tt moment!!! its not abt being prejudiced but its abt wat we are after, the approval of the world, or God's smile upon our face. i told myself i want to be like her, to follow her footsteps and go on forever doing God's work.

people around me are growing growing growing in everyway of God. i'm so proud of them it juz changes my life at the thought of what yr 2005 has been so far and how much im looking forward to it more and more... aren't u?

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 11:42 am


sanne once sms me... "God sent you here 1 yr earlier, to ENSURE tt u'll be in Melbourne"...

things that happened during the past week link so much to thots on my mind so far... in urban life last night, though i wanted to share something, i didnt coz i wasnt sure what it meant... PeiJet shared abt identities and being genuine and true to ourselves, being the original of wat God has made us and not the copy of what our friends perceive us to be... to follow God wif all our heart and not fall back on the plans He has for us, coz we dun wanna regret when the dvd of our life is shown and God tells us tt we cld haf been a better person, but we gave in to fear instead of faith

fear: believing in something u cant see, will happen
faith: believing in something u cant see, will happen

one leads to confidence to carry on, the other leads to destruction... which path do we choose?

when i was asked last night wat i wanted to do, i sort of thought abt that for a little while and fear juz ran thru my blood. what do i plan to do? that question has probably broken its record for the most used question in my entire life juz the past semester. i dunno wat i plan to do, but i do know that i wanna follow the plan that God has written out so clearly and beautifully for me. i wanna study a course in uni that God will be pleased with and one that i will enjoy and not regret. i wanna study arts in uni... but am i choosing that coz i know ppl there, who have already done that or are going to do that.. or do i do it coz its probably the on degree i see myself in, or is it a course that God has let me set my eyes on? yr 12 vce students are so limited by the fact that our enter scores represent the rest of our lives that we live on wat we get, to enter into a certain course in uni.. its not only vce students, but ib, foundation, sats, a levels, psle, o levels, so on and so forth.... our lives are limited by the results we get in sch.. but isnt there more to life than juz studying and aiming for results?

sanne's thinking abt the reson she's in melb and the full use of how she can make it a memorable time. wat abt us? wat abt me? 2 yrs ago, when i stepped into melb for my 1st yr of studying.. i qned myself.

a little gurl, barely 16 and thinking abt her life's goal, wondering the importance of her existance, wondering the reason she left home, to pursue a foreign education system. one thoght that rang loud and clear in her head one day, while praying in her comfortable room, wif the curtains closed, and tears streaming down her face, was "you are here to change the people around you".

Pastor Henry Seely once mentioned an image, of Holly, his 3-4yr old, really cute daughter, sitting at the back of his car, with a Christian cd on and lifting her hands, closing her eyes, worshipping God. God reminded me time and time again that he wants us all to run after Him wif child-like faith, ever curious, and eager to learn something new. yet how many a time haf we brushed off tt quiet tapping of God and focus on the louder, harder to ignore sounds of the world ard us? haf we wondered y God's tapping is light, and the world's is hard and impossible to ignore?

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 6:00 am

*Saturday, July 02, 2005*

with a snap of our fingers, a week has past, since i started my hols, and spent everyday out. the beginning of the week has been mind blowing.. guess its due to the fact that God presses it in for me to learn to forgive and be forgiven.

i once wrote in my dairy, " how wld u reject a person, who needs help, but only comes to u when u are of use?"

in my last week of sch, sacs were screaming my name, so were studies. i had 4 sacs, which equalled to all my subjects taken for this year. stress week.. yet on tues, or was it wed, that i had an encounter wif her, that rubbed deep within me. Gurl M had an esl sac tt day. was it my fault that i was "on and offline" so she cldnt ask me for help the day before? i mean, seriously, there was such a thing as the phone. and not only that, she left me to correct her essay, which she had points in which she cldnt understand and words neither she nor i had seen in our entire life. rach came up to me, saw what beautiful work Gurl M had given, snatched the papers away, and marched right up to her, giving her a piece of her mind.

rach tells me that im taken advantage of, and i need to say "no" coz i haf my sacs to study for, besides the fact that Gurl M is rude, spoilt, selfish and so on...but seriously, wldnt u wanna help a gurl, hu needs help in her eng? common sense tells me that im using a wrong technique to help her, and that its true that im allowing myself to be used, but is there any other way?

a week later, inner champ changed my life. forgiveness was one of the things taught and it tore my heart. all i cld remember, God brought to surface, and when we were told to tear that piece of paper with the list of names and things done to us, it was like peace and relief came down upon each and everyone affected!!!! i should do this more often.

im sure that there will definately be silent readers, coz the internet's amazing these days and people ask why write some personal and in depth stuff when its all private matters to us.. but hey... we are all people, and amongst the billions of ppl hu surf the net, at least one wld fae the same issues as us.

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:50 am