*Monday, May 30, 2005*


this is it ppl... God's light and glory and presence never leaving us... lighting up tt darkness the world has unkowingly created over themselves and the ppl ard them... this is wat God wants to do in each and every1 of our lives.. including that of those ard us.... Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:17 am



this is wat i mean!!! Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:16 am


Break of day
Your light it shines on us
And Your glory fills this place
Like the sun
It rises up on us
It's the glory of Your face
And I lift my eyes to heaven
And I lift my eyes to heaven
Your glory
The whole earth is filled with Your glory
The nations cry out they sing
Holy, holy, is the Lord
Your glory
Jesus, one touch of Your glory
I lift up my hands and sing
Holy, Holy is the Lord
Show me Your glory (repeat)
felt like i cld analyse this whole song and still fail to analyse it completely and perfectly... haha... few entries ago.. i was staring at awe at a break of light through clouds on the way to sch... this is the song i was referring to... if words cld paint a picture... im sure i can find one tt represents this song... with the help of God!!!! duh of coz...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:06 am

*Sunday, May 29, 2005*


Happy 17th Birthday Shauna dearest.. and hello to all of u.... hahhahaha
oh dear.. dunno names of the last 2 on each row on the left..
bottom row frm r: stef, juni,sanne,phoebe,shauna,christine,tj,sharene,iris
top row frm r: scott,matt,mike,me,eelin,jonong,jonlim,ray, brodie
see mummy... these are the wonderful peeps i hang out wif most of them time... hahahahahahahah.. hope u get a chance to meet them and know all of them b4 eelin esp mayb... goes back Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:58 pm


wat to say leh... erm.. so many things on my mind... i wanna recollect things tt haf been happening from like yesterday nite till tonight.. so much to say... but.. need to go sleep soon.. so i'll try moi veri bestest.. haha...

tonight's service was juz awesome... how to say leh.. it took a lot of debating whether or not to come for this service. and i juz felt like i needed to leave my h/w and my sch responsibilities aside and juz come into God's presence and enjoy being in it for a little while... i felt like crap after Neap... this chem thingy... rach... nagging at me... jamie.. another one.. all coz i wasnt doing any practice exam papers... i wasnt really starting for my chem paper which is like in a week's time... as usual.. the lazy.. not stree till last min gurl was getting painful looks frm her schmates... sighz...

i finished the neap paper in the rmit lib... started on eng.. but decided tt i needed to go for a walk and called Juni along.. had a talk... had to commit a lot of pains and worries to her... and really ask for advice on wat to do.. and wat was right... really felt like giving up.. like all this work i've been doing dun reflect the pains i've gone thru.... like... the subjects i've choosen all dun seem right... like tests dun reflect tt i enjoy working on them... and i felt like shit... really bad abt sch life... was on the verge of saying... "time to juz redo yr 12 again.. and start all over again"..... was terrible...

decided i cldnt do nemore work.. so went to melb central and sat near the clock and chatted wif Juni somemore... felt.. tt i needed to do something abt my life.. and juz sit in His presence at church...

it was great... learnt a new song.. sounds powerful... was really great.... Russell's preaching was good... interesting.. abt us being prepared to recieve ppl into God's home.. but wat really shook a lot of us was this story he ended wif....

this gurl.. left home... her mother didnt know where she was... worried abt her.. staying up.. at a loss of what to do..
she went to a minister and asked him "what can i do to find my daughter?"
the minister told her to get some pictures of herself and passed it to him..
then he asked her "what message would you like me to write on these photos?"
the women, in tears replied " all i want is for her to come back."
the minister took the photos and went around to places of amusment, where he felt that her daughter might visit and requested that the photo was to be pinned up on bullentin boards where t could be easily seen..
one day, this daughter went to a pub and she caught sight of the picture. finding it familiar, she went up to it and saw that it was her mother's aged face.. looking so different and fragile from when she last saw her, with the words "come back" written on it. immediately, the daughter knew that it was written for her and could not carry on with her plans for the night. she went back home, packed her bags and caught the 1st train home to her mother.
upon reaching her mother's house, she was amazed to find that the door was left slightly open. she entered and saw her mother sitting up in bed, crying and praying for her to come back.
she rushed into her mothers embrace and both cried, hugging each other tightly. the 1st thing she asked her mother when she caught her breathe back was "mother, why did you leave the door open?"
her mother replied " my dear child, since the day you left, the door has never been shut"

how often have we tried to run away from God's pesence, how often have we felt that God didnt want us anymore coz we were unworthy and we were so insignificant in this entire world. How often have we felt like we couldn't do what He had planned for us coz it was too hard and it required a lot of effort... how often haf we felt tt God made a mistake creating us?

no matter how we sin, as long as we turn back, God sees our heart and His door is always open, to welcome us back into His presence. How much does God long for us to come, crying into His open arms, to recieve that comfort and peace that He so generously provides for us when we feel weighed down by matters of the world. "The lost Son" in Luke is a representative of how much God loves us... how He awaits patiently by our window and waits for us to turn back from our sinful ways and walk down tt road which He is standing at the end... How much does God so long to run up to us and clothe us wif clothes from His house, to call us "My Child, My wonderfully made child of God"? isnt He wonderful?

no more should i walk away from God... but juz press on, move forward and juz leave everything up to Him. easier said than done.. but then, the 1st step is always the hardest... at least i know tt i haf to try...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:47 pm


last night's chill out session was way too cool... abt more than 50 ppl came and well, we had a smashing time, piging out on chicken curry, bobo cha cha, veg, cheesecake, apple pie, pasta, and PeiJet's creation of spring onions, spinach and sour cream and onion... stuff in bread ( Sanney.. did u noe tt it had spring onions??)
had a talk wif Peijet during dinner, mentioning some of the stuff tt was bothering me, mentioning how much i desire to serve more in church, but needed breakthroughs in my life so tt i can do more for God and contribute more. i even told her tt i felt like i needed to be involved in a leadership thingo... haha..
it was good, playing a game of cherades, saboing ppl to get up there and embarass themselves.. haha.. warming up he atmosphere, b4 Ee Lin came up to share a few things to us.
amazingly, Ee Lin was sharing on a lot of stuff tt i was talking to Peijet abt.. with Jerimiah 29:11 and Psalms 139:13. we are all valuable and preiceless children of God, who sometimes rather live on how our friends around us label us. Yet we forget tt God had already known us when we were in "our mother's womb", before anyone knew we existed, and He had plans all worked up for us, even b4 our parents met. There wld be times when we felt tt our prayers "bounce off the ceiling" when we pray at night, that we felt God wasn't listening, but little did we realise that God was already carrying out His plans for us, even b4 the worries began, answering them in His own perfect timing.
after that, i had another talk, but wif Phoebe this time and again, i mentioned how i wanted the Holy Sprit to be in me, to be able to speak in tongues and to seriously place God priority 1 in my life. I needed to know what course He wld like me to do and one thing she mentioned tt i went.. tts wat i need to do was simply " don't ask God to choose a course for u, but ask Him to show you what u can do and what u enjoy doing, than leading you to choosing ur courses". how true is tt??!!!!!

After talking to Phoebe, was another talk wif Ee Lin, who said " you know what, the last time u asked me what discipleship wif Matt was abt? well, i want you to join us, but i think u need to settle some things before u start or u wont find servicing fulfilling". wowowowowoowowoww... tts seriously something i needed to hear. i never felt ushering tt fulfilling coz my heart wasnt right wif it.. and how i so long to do soo much more.

today, at lunch, while waiting to be served our jap food at QV wif Juni, i had a chat and she was like " i think u and Sarah-anne wld do really well in discipleship" and i was like "i had an impression tt i wanted to be able to lead an urban life grp in the future" and to be able to speak to ppl's hearts like Ee Lin has soo spoken to mine".

finally came to 10 conclusions after these conversations all so impt!!!!

1. I need the Holy Spirit in my life and want to be able to speak in tongues
2. My life needs to be changed and having the Holy Spirit in me wld definately lead to tt change
3. God has to be placed no. 1 in my life
4. i wanna let go of things hindering my walk wif GOd and have breakthroughs
5. i know that i can do loads more things for God and achieve a sense of fullfillment
6. i wanna be able to lead an urban life grp in the future and speak to the heart's of ppl abt their worries and challenges in life.
7. bring the lost to God... even speak to the hearts of those who were found but backslided.
8. i wanna let ppl i know to experience God in a whole new level
9. i wanna stir up hearts to haf a desire for serving God and doing His works
10. i wanna get to a new level of faith in God

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 7:56 am

*Friday, May 27, 2005*

haven had the time to blog occasionally... haha... hmm... studying a lot lately... realised tt a lot of things were scarier... and really brought to moi attention... like on tuesday morning.. weny to melb uni to here few ppl talk abt wat goes on after uni preferencing... results released.. uni preferrencing again.. and choice offers come... than ui eronlment... and wat shook us was tt we only had 1 offer, where as locals had 2 - 3 offers.. and its like.. if we dun get into a course 1st round.. we may never get into uni.. but need to do a Tafe course and than head on further....
got me thinking abt lots of things... like how i need to finalise wat i really wanna do.. and wats best for me.. i dun really wanna sit and counsel ppl all the time.. and i know i wanna find my interest and find my passions in life...
went out wif Shauna, Scott, Juni juz for dinner... talking abt life as a uni student.. and like.. the stuff Scott does... essays... and reading... its really scary.. like... is tt uni life... wow... harder than high sch... more panic attacks...
used to like reading.. and really hope to find my passion back in those books... i dun mind writing.. but i like to haf my own space and freedom to write and not haf a limit to wat i can write abt... i know myself and a lot of me is writing.. prob in a dairy... on this blog... i dun mind all this.. esp essays... but than again... depends on the book and the qns... sigh... haha
juz heard energy's new song.. its not bad... i dun this urge to go crazy over them... i can happily say tt im not really over cheena music... but im not crazy over these guys now... mayb coz kor doesnt allow me to listen anymore to cheena music.. soo tts y....
today is rest day.. haha.. tking over tomorrow's place.. but still need to do a bit of work... heng ah... tomorrow dun haf to b in sch early... cant wait for chill out session tomorrow... muz take photos.. haha... really wanna sleep now.. feel soo tired... haha...
maths today was terrible... i knew how to do the task.. like.. i prob finished it wifout really understanding how to do all frm scratch.. no wonder i cldnt really do the test... almost the same.. but change of nos. only.... such a give away test... feel like crap now coz i know i cld haf done better... S**************..... yupz... chem was not bad.. but than again.. the cheat sheet helped lots... soo.. i guess tts the problem...
nowadays... i know wat i really need in my life and im really aiming to find the Holy Spirit in me and let life change totally... im desperate for it... desperate to be a diff person.. im sick and tired of who i am, relying on my own, when i can leave so many things to Him... i feel so little... so un impt... so.... small... i wanna juz change and be a happier and more fulfilling person... sheesh... watever...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:13 pm

*Tuesday, May 24, 2005*

realised tt i didnt update lots of stuff tt happened during the weekend, tt needed special mentioning....

fri... went to Boom wif Shauna, Jono, Yvonne... had dinner wif Raymond, TJ, Jolyn as well... it was great.... lots of ppl gave their lives... 30 odd mayb.. cant remember now.. Chad was speaking... short but straightforward sharing... really spoke to me and left me thinking.... yupz... remember Jono's words... to bring Rach over.. follwed by a busload of IGGS gurls... my response.. "i wish".. its not like i've never thot abt tt b4... but i guess he's right... how can i survuve on such little faith... duh i haf to haf a look of advancement... looking forward as Russell was sharing Sat night... i think.. went for supper at Max B @ Melb central....

sat night... went to Brunswick.. haha.. had gelati... good!! saw the chocolate fountain ... haha.. went to play pool... was taught to play pool... Schreen... or however u spell her name is a pro.. if looks cld kill.. her concentration at pool wld haf killed many.. haha... Brody... is tt how u spell his name walked me home... cool... he lives soo near and i didnt realise Brunswick was tt near either... haha... i need to wander at the back of Lee st more often... haha... tts abt it.. for now.. until i can remeber more....

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:08 pm



beautiful gifts... thanks soo muchie Sam!!!!! Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:51 pm



happy faces.. beautiful smiles... tts wat we are... Beautiful Women of God... Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:42 pm



yupz.. our veri own jazz band.. haha... cool huh Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:41 pm



tts the stage.. waaa. like wedding ah!!!!! Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:40 pm



aiyah.. i close my eyes... but hey.. we look gd.. Juni finally came.. hahahahaha Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:40 pm



Pic no. 2... Mike Webber and us!!!! argh!! look carefully!!! His hand is on moi shoulder.... hahha... but seriously.... how tall is tt guy!!!!! argh!!!! more than a head taller than me.. and i was in heels!!!! Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:39 pm



we shall go in order yah.... this pic was taken by Mike Webber!!!!! argh!!!! pic no. 1 @ Beautiful Woman Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:38 pm


yupz.. tts wat i am.. definately.. and all the woman of God are too!!! really cool... started off at 7.30 wif drinks and Mike Webber walked past me, Shauna, Sarah-anne, Mel.. and soo Sanne ran after him, asked him to take a pic for us.. and we took one wif him!!!! argh!! so cute... he's soo tall.. man.. he must be like 190 cm and taller!!!!!! argh!!!! gd looking Mike.. in tt suit of urs!!!!!

went in for like an hr.... came out and had cakes, tea, coffee, water....

a really cool sharing... starting off wif a surprise honour to someone whose name i cant remember.. nor type.. but initials were K.K... haha.. yupz... almost cried watching tt surprise video.... than it was Pastor Sam sharing her experiences wif God and how God began to lead her to scriptures which stated "and she was a beautiful woman"

gurls haf an issue wif appearences, weight and a lot of other trival issues that God has to say stop and reflect on whose words count... tts true... tt Beautiful Woman video is sooo true.... man look at the outside, but God looks at our heart.... to God, we haf no flaws... we are beautiful... in and out....

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:36 pm

*Saturday, May 21, 2005*


wat Juni wld say.. " u all look soo youthful.. wat abt me????" haha.. way to go gurls... Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 5:28 pm


recently felt really empty in life.. like there were a lot of things wasnt sure of.. wasnt confident about.. and God somehow seemed sooo far away... God changed a lot of that last night, that really juz made me wanna take tt step of faith and walk closer towards Him.

went for Boom last night.. finally.. and Chad was speaking... on ppl ain't wat they seem to be.. tt things didnt seem to be going the right way.. confusing and leaving a lot of questions in our heads.. questions tt wld somehow be hard to hunt for answers... and he emphasized a lot on either we are in a relationship with God or we are not and tt really stood out, as though we Christians haf a relationship with God, troubles still come our way, but we know how to face them, because we have tt faith in God who leads us out of troubled waters... and tt shook me a lot...

there are lots of times where i juz dun wanna let go of those troubles no matter how tied down i am bcoz of them.. but its really amazing... God was soo hinting to me... like let goand get into a serious relationship wif Me... and i was juz thinking who i should go talk to with abt this.. and like.. half an hr later... while i was at Max Brena at Melb Central, Phoebe smsed.. saying tt she was thinking abt me all week and wanted to know whether there was anything she could do for me... like pray and all.. and u noe wat..!!!! she was on the list of ppl i thought i could choose to talk to!!!! amazing ah.. the way God works... really need a guide to my spiritual walk wif God and He has sooo timingly sent one... amazing.. awesome... wonderful... great and mighty our God is.... woowowoowowowoowowoowoowowowowowoowoowowowoowowowowowowo

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 5:26 pm

*Friday, May 20, 2005*

This morning... on the tram to Flinders... i was like.. so totally fed-up with things abt sch... sch fds... formal.. & DNA retreat... i was still debating abt it till i reached the tram stop at Flinders and realised tt Raymond was on the same tram as me... haha.. howinattentive were we...
All worries kinda disappeared and i felt kinda relieved, not to think abt some stuff juz for a moment, and ocncentrat on holding a convo wif Raymond... its like God reminding me tt nomatter how deep i am in thot abt my worries, "break of day, ur light it shines on us".. He there... buming into us, hoping we take notice of Him, allowing Him to take some of tt worry wort away...
Never was i ever grateful foe Raymnd's appearence... God prob saying.. "lift up, talk to Me, give it up and let go.. Im here, to take... to relief.. to fill you wif peace... to rid u of unnecessary thots the world has weighed upon u... tts God....
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His Glory and Grace.
I've always loved my morning train rides to school, where i can enjoy the besutiful nature juz early in the morning... quietly... and juz bask in tt view... "Your light it shines on us".. tts song... juz a few lines and im using it to describe my day....
love those pics on the sea... like... i dunno.. feel free.. refreshed... renewed....

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:49 pm



looks like a storm's brewing!! one of moi fav pics.... dunno y... Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:35 pm



lorne ppl!!! waaa... went surfing wif those waves.... Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:32 pm



the hungry... haha... soz ppl.. i juz need to show these pics up.. i'll put on other occations too!!!!! Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:31 pm

*Thursday, May 19, 2005*

seriously!!! leslie cheung killed himself coz of some love problems... some guy hu acted in dou yu killed himself coz of financial & love problems... now his "lover" wants to kill herself coz this guy's fds are after her and blame her for his death.... do ppl wif depression head tt way? guess where i found all this?? haha reading S'pore's veri own lianhe zaobao online!!!! ahhahhahah....

wats the world coming to... ppl one by one starting to kill themselves... ppl i know one by one come to tell me tt they've cut themselves.. u noe.. the harm sellf thingy or however u call it... sheesh... i feel like im surrounded by them all of a sudden... argh!!!!!!!

yupz... tt juz shows how stressful the world is coming to.. sigh sigh sigh... if ppl were to relax a little... do a little dance in their sch.. workplace.. on da streets... get some of tt unnecessary tention released..mayb attempts like this might decrese in no. by the thousands?? easy for me to say... considering i was on my way to kitchenland few yrs back... haha... glad i neva had tt courage and go right wif it... am i serious??? hmm.. tts for me to noe.. and for u to break ur head wif the guessing... lala... sly old moi right... haha

some peeps i noe hu im gonna offend right now will kill me... but im gonna say this... some cut themselves to feel good... release stress.. gain attention... which one's the best excuse... none actually.. the onli one... running away frm problems and hoping tt by wasting time drawing blood... mayb some problems might vanish at the sight of blood.... poor things...the earth wld b red if problems cld dissolve tt fast...

some might ask.. wats the best way then... to save ourselves the trouble of committing suicide... i really dunno... mayb looking at ur problems frm small to big.. like learning to climb the stairs on a staicase stair by stair rather than all in one step.... im learning tt too... its not easy... but when was life supposed to be easy... u gotta learn to grown and mature.. and tts through perseverence...

im saying this to myself as well... recently.. i've realised i gotta piles and piles of work... tt everytime i look at my all so perfect in time cousin... i feel guilty for not facing my workload... tt i kinda scare myself... seriously.. i noe God doesn want me to be at pace wif my cousin.. neither does He want me to catch up in like a day... but all tt matters is i do my best.. little at a time and try to complete watever i've fallen behind in.... common... the old me wld be plucking my eyes out... pulling my heart out and scolding every organ inside of me for not being organised and disciplined and consistant in my workload... but.. tts wasting more time aint it.. ??

as my cousin wld say.. "stop worrying".. yupz... get ur bum right at work... dun worry abt anything, instead, pray abt everything...tts prob my motto... get ur mind right at it.. instead of beating round the bush and avoiding it... haha... yupz... all comfort goes to experience frm urs truly ** grin grin**

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:08 pm


wat used to seem trival now seems impt... now stands out... the obvious shown... how sometimes i wish i knew where i belonged.... yet... i know somehow i dun.... juz dun haf tt bond present in me btw others... if u noe me... u noe wat im referring to if i've talked to u abt this...

its not onli "me" hu feels like tt... today... had a chat wif a certain "miss t".. sense of belonging is somehow absent in her life... hu r our real fds... where do we fit in... where we stand in where we are... sounds confusing.. not so.. there are onli few blanks... and the title makes up a lot of it...

sometimes i wonder... how much of a friendship grp do i haf? wat kind of ppl do i mix wif? how many sch fds and ppl i was/am close to read this blog... how much really do they wanna know abt my life.. and how it has changed??? are moi real fds tt little... tt limited tt i haf to go out to hunt for wat i can call real ppl?? than hu haf the rest been? shadows 0f the past?.. sounds scarier by the second.... wat shld i do... how shld i be... ??

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 1:57 pm



try this out... clearing up... wif fairy floss all over.. my precious pink sticky hands!!! poor Juni & Jolene... great effort ladies!!! look... doesnt tt remind us of tt polo mint sweet Jono's holding up?? haha.. "s" for sweet... Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 1:40 pm



Supporters of IGGS' 'A Concert To Wish For'... thanks lots guys!! u rock!!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!!! luv youz sooo muchies** Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 1:37 pm



Fairy Floss.... here we come!!!!!!!! Posted by Hello

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 1:30 pm

*Tuesday, May 17, 2005*

yesterday was one of the scariest days of moi life.. waking up at 6am.. to find myself throwing up into the toilet bowl... mere exhaustion is the word... never felt this tired b4... food posioning was wat my bro called it... well.. its my 2nd time... 1st was in sec2.. canteen food... hhaa...

though being sick was a nightmare... it was really a blessing in disguise...supposed to go out to Boba's for a Singaporean (Planet Shakers) gathering, but ended up feeling too weak to even step out of the hse... got a call frm Juni @ 1.05pm.. haha.. thot Sanney was there.. but yah well... wondering y i wasnt there yet... got a shock when they heard i was "poisoned".. amazing lah these ppl... Juni.. trying to get me to eat medicine.. Jono, trying to get me out of the hse to feel better... Sanney.. trying to get me to church... PeiJet and Jolene... driving over after church to hand me a bowl of fish porridge before rushing off for discipleship... Juni calling up again... asking how i was... Eelin juz.. on msn asking abt moi condition...

amazing.. awesome.. the ppl God has surrounded me wif... few entries ago... i was talking abt these ppl... church and all... how they were providing reality into my life... this is it.. this is wat im talking abt... the care, concern, love shown... portrays how much more God wld do for me... how much more He loves me.. these kind acts... amazing.. so touching...

never wld i regret getting to know u ppl... seriously... felt as though we grew up together though i've only known some of u for 2 mths.. 3mths... besides Sanney tts is... thank u all sooo much!!!!!! lost for words... dunno wat else to say... even my bro was amazed... thanks once again!!!!!!!!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:46 am

*Sunday, May 15, 2005*

the more i enjoy church, enjoy worshipping God,the closer i become to being near Him and wanna haf a more intimate relationship wif him... the more sensitive i become to wat others think of Him... to be a Christian.. its prob our call to bring the lost to Christ, and its definately not easy when we haf to leave our comfort zone and face the fact tt we're Christians and the ppl we are surrounded wif are not. Some Christians say tt wehn they look into the eyes of non-Christians, they don't see the light shinning in them... i'm different... i tell the diff by their attitude towards God.
Today, i had a taste of being in the presence of ppl hu i saw had the "veil" over their eyes... both probably didnt wanna recognise the fact tt God was playing a part affecting the lives of their family... against the fact tt hu is God and the point of being "religious".. one of my many cousins thinks tt ppl hu go to church and love doing tt are "deranged".. in other words... "crazy and in need of help".. yet i can say tt it is soooo NOT TRUE... it is definately not UNCOOL to be involved in church, neither is is abnormal to be a Christian and enjoy being one. weird thing coz she's a Christian.. Roman Catholic to be exact if im not wrong and she juz got baptised last yr i think...
how can anyonebe baptised and not wanna haf God in their lives? If going to church and following "routines" on a Sunday is all tt is to their Christianity life, y get baptised? its excatly like a baby, going through its Christining and growing up wondering y they go to church.. i may seem rude, but y bother following ur family to church when church goers to u were supposed to be "deranged"? y even get baptised? to me, getting batised is a personal commitment, esp whenu're of age to know wat u want, not follow the crowd........

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 8:23 am


juz realised tt my cross pendent fell out when Jamie & i reached Chili Padi at Melb Central.. amazingly calm at it though.. dunno y.. but tt cross holds a lot of value to me.. not wealth.. but sentimental value.. it was prob the onli present i remember my dad purchasing for me wif the help of moi mum at Plaza Singapura few yrs ago.. i mean... i know he got m a lot of stuff... but i dunno y.. this is the onli one i remember soo clearly.... how shld i feel.... hmm... it was as though God was hinting tt i shld let go of the stuff tt it repersented in my life.... my neck feels bare... i hope its at home.... sigh...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 5:40 am

*Saturday, May 14, 2005*

these few days haf been busy... hmm.. i wonder why.. but yah.... concert rehersals and all.. exhaustion.. haven touched h/w for abt 2 weeks already... lots of sacs next week... gotta crash this weekend... sigh.... wonder how i can survive... lots of things are possible.... really.. seriously... amazing..... really random stuff.. im on a high.. had 5 hrs of sleep.. and drank bitter cuppacino... now.. a headache is growing.. i feel sick... anxious abt tonite.. hope all watching will enjoy it...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:20 am

*Friday, May 13, 2005*

Urban Life last night... was.. Awesome!!! tts abt the onli word i can use to describe it... every Urban Life tt i've been to never fails to stir something up in me.. and this week was no exception...

last night, Ee Lin shared abt breakthroughs, abt how the Holy Spirit acts like water and fire on earth. Like water, the Holy spirit can destroy by acting like the Tsunami, or like water stored up in a dam,which generates power when run through the turbine, which lights a city up. Like fire, the Holy Spirit can flow down like larva from a volcano, killing all plantlife in its way, yet soil is most fertile after this and allows plants to grow better.

there are many things of my past which i wanna put behind me forever, to forget, yet i still hold onto them unknowingly and it seems as though i have made my insecurities my security..
when Ee Lin came over and prayed for me while i was bawling moi eyes out, something she said really woke me up. i was asking God to show me a lot of stuff, to prove to me tt He was real in my life, when she mentioned something like "God sees the passion in you, that you hunger for Him, but u haf relied on ur own strength to find joy, to forget things of the past to let go, that God says its time to rely on Him and really let go. Are you willing to give it up to HIm? God wants to rid you of tt emotional turmoil u face, being high at 1 moment and juz be in ur room crying the next, feeling alone"....

seriously... when some1 hu knew u onli 4 a few weeks came and told u this kinda stuff... how wld u react? duh!!! i wld believe her... i mean.. sheesh... i realised that God was real the moement she started saying all this, tt God saw me, and heard me when i was at my weakest, but it was then tt i relied on myself to pull me up and not God.

it also also shared tt at our weakest oint, God wants to change our lives, tt we can stand up and allow God in, and He will burn in us. Another was of wood, though being at its dryest burns best...

God is really... i dunno how to describe it... amazing... awesome.. marvelous... Ee Lin shared tt she had to b a murderer every morning, killing things of the flesh tt wld hinder her walk wif God... its probably abt time... to accept the fact tt His thick blood was shed for me.. that i haf to face up to watever's bothering me and focus on God...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 12:59 am

*Tuesday, May 10, 2005*

wats amazing in moi life is that God has shown me how proclaiming things out loud and being at peace with issues is a motivation in my life. few days ago... probably like the night after i wrote "Amazing God, so little faith me", i felt God pushing me to speak out and against those fears and stress... and i did... like at i dunno wat time in the morning, but yah, He was really doing a good job with that nagging, not allowing me to fall asleep till i gace it up completely to HIm, which was like already 2-3 in the morning or even earlier... haha.. God is amazing people.. His constant nagging is hard core nagging... so betta give in!!!!

i felt great after that.. really.. though i only had like 3-4 hrs of beauty sleep... it was really amazing how God led me through dance practise, how He built up my confidence in my dancing, how He pushed me to give my 100%, how He stirred up perseverence in me.... tts a Good God i serve and i'm happy i know Him. seriously... yupz.. though im still really paiseh after hearing (someone) try and make an announcement about me performing, i was glad that it didnt affect me any more as it did few nights ago.. like.. tt fear was gone like 5 mins later.. and though it comes back to haunt me often enuff, im so super grateful for God's protection over me.... thank God that i can still carry on wif my dancing and move on to a more challenging level with a performance that isnt gonna be easy.. but its something i was encouraged to do and dun wanna not do it... i'm lifting it up wholy to God and really a big thanks to all out there, encouraging, supporting, caring, beautiful women and charming men... i wouldnt know what to do without u peeps and u definately know hu u r... thanks for everything and for most importantly being part of my life.. i realli realli love each and every one of u.....

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:25 pm

*Monday, May 09, 2005*

Happy Mother's Day Mamasan !!! Thank You for taking a peek at my blog... thank you for taking the pains to read and Understand each and every word i had so effortlessly typed, that i forgot you may not understand.. haha... ok.. so this is will be a full word entry, where it saves you the pain of figuring out... hahha

Thank You Mommy for being such a wonderful lady in my life, for being such an important one, for going all the way to fullfilling the role of a good role model to your precious big boy and little girl...
Thank You Mummy for being strong for us during hard times, for being there to encourage and give us a hand when we have difficulities... Thank You for everything that you have done for us, from the small little stuff.. to everything big... they are so important to me and kor kor.. thank you
thank you mummy for your weekly phonecalls, for your affection.. for your little "i love yous", thank you...

through all these hard times, i have grown so much because of your love, that it amazes me so much, what God has done for you and for us. He has helped us grow, and learn to cheerish each other more. Mummy.. when you feel alone, feel like you don't want to return to the house and see four walls, God says to remember that He is always with you, that He is always there when you need someone to give you some company... though we are hours apart, our love for you has grown so much stronger and me and kor kor want to say "THANK YOU MOMMY, WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH TOO!!!!!!"


P.S: mom... did you read all the entries, its not only one page... you can read the rest at "strolling down memory lane" ok?? leave comments too which are located at the end of each entry... i love you mommy!!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:50 am

*Saturday, May 07, 2005*

today was juz amazing... like a whole new testimony for God the Almighty.... having dinner wif PeiJet, Eelin, Jolene, Phoebe... i juz learn so much... and reflect so much.. i feel tt life now is juz too wonderful to describe... like how things of the past dun affect me like they used to.. how i feel like i've touched land or tt i'm reaching shore of finding who i am, my identity.. my whole new life... reading my titles for my previous blogings... i realise how much is on God... and how much its sooo significant to me.... tt i feel so... little... like.. how cld God manage to change so much of me in juz tt little amt of time....

things of the past like weight... figure... physical external appearences... comments tt used to hurt so much.. lack of confidence tt used to be soo part of my life... now seem to stand out so much.. tt im so sensitive of it... it has stopped being dissolved into my bloodstream, but juz stays outside my ears and doesnt register in new meiling/denise genes... wat Phoebe recently commented abt me seem so new... and Eelin had sooo emphasized it today... like both mentioned tt i was so "cute" and it never registered till Phoebe took the pains to describe to me... like the natural reaction i gave to certain things and convos... its like natural.. not an act cute kinda thing.. and i realised tt the individual me stood out frm a lot of ppl... the crowd i hang out wif... i being to appreciate how diff i am to sch fds... to the old me... how changed my life has been.. its so amazing tt i feel tt i can touch ground now.. and not floating in the vast ocean... not knowing my directions... where to go to find me... its juz there... right there in front of me... tt with God's strength... i can swim to shore and reach safety!!!

i kinda need lots of encouragement now... performing for the concert has really gotten into me.. like i juz realised tt ppl were talking abt it today.. during dinner and even at chili padi... more ppl were invited and wanted to come.. and all tt stressing comes flowing back... i wanna do moi best... not to disappoint these lovey ppl hu have taken the effort to come and watch and travel the distance.. and i remember some1 ( i wldnt mention hu) saying tt the distance was not impt, but my performace.. and tt really freaked me out.. coz i didnt wanna do badly and like give u peeps invited a bad impression... ARGHHHHH!!!!! HELP!!!!! sometimes... the motivation goes the wrong way.. and it sort of encourages me to give up.. but i cant and i wont bcoz i wanna do lots for this peformance and i wanna do moi best!!!! i wanna dance.. i wanna play the guitar... but most of all.. i wanna remember this concert where i overcame stress.. overcame the fear abt being a disappointment... i wanna do well.. and i wanna leave a gd impression on my life.... its the one and only yr 12 concert and i wan it to be remembered.... by me... as a successful performance...

i definately need God in my life right now... more than anything... to show me how to motivate myself the right way and not let the amt of ppl coming to watch me affect me.... i can let it get to me as i wont b able to give my 101%... i need to face it the right way... and tt is by leaving it 10000000001% to God... if u haf any encouragements.... pls tell me... i need to hear something right now!!!!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 5:17 pm

*Friday, May 06, 2005*

It only takes a spark
To get a fire going
And soon all those around
Can warm up in its glowing
That's how it is with God's love
Once you've experienced it
You spread his love to everyone
You want to pass it on
What a wondrous time is spring
When all the trees are budding
The birds begin to sing
The flowers start their blooming
That's how it is with God's love
Once you've experienced it
You want to sing, it's fresh like spring
You want to pass it on
I wish for you my friend
This happiness that I've found
You can depend on him
It matters not where you're bound
I'll shout it from the mountain top
I want my world to know
The Lord of love has come to me
I want to pass it on


For music scores, please visit this site:www.maranathaccc.org/share/Pass_it_On.pdf

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 1:16 pm


sometimes.. when ppl do things together as a team... disruptions occur... why?? different people ahve different opinions on how things should be done and fail to think abt the feelings of those around them...

choosing the song for the international student's item for our yr 12 concert was really an unpleasent process... we had 2 songs to choose frm.. S.H.E's remember or Joilin Tsai's 72 changes... some ppl wanted jolin's as the dance was good and they liked it.. others like me preferred S.H.E coz we felt tt it was easier to sing and dance to, and we were running desperately out of time to learn the multiple of dance steps that Jolin's dance required...

most definately preferred Jolin's.. and we cld see tt tension wld built up whenever remember was mentioned.. not veri gd... confusion.. disappointment.. many people were unhappy with others as they cld not understand why each one had a diff opinion abt the song choosen which went to 72 changes... oh well.. finally after a long talk today.. we managed to get a lot of stuff out of others and were able to clear a lot of misconceptions... finally deciding upon 72 changes as we were happy abt how we wld edit it and make it our own dance without following all of Jolin's steps... well... i guess we had a lot of weary thots abt the selfish... the rude... the proud... the bad.. haha... glad to say.. after tt long talk... ppl began to see things calmly and more ideas were placed into the song... wonderful.. hope we work like this throughout the week... and all da best for our yr 12 concert items!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 12:39 pm

*Thursday, May 05, 2005*

was it amazing... or was it juz DNA??? two cultures... family and discipleship and growth... and both spoke deeply in me...
family.. wat stuck me was tt whenever we see some1 hu is alone or in need of some1 totalk to.. we shld take up courage and speak to them... i mean... imagine if u were alone adn u wishe u cld juz laugh or smile to some1... tt wld b so cool if some1 juz came u and started talking to u!!! amazing!!!
discipleship and growth... erm. well... it really means progressing and being able to share the Word of God to others... we were to bring others to church and not juz focus on ourselves coz seriously... when we bring ppl to Christ.. its a step up our faith level and doesnt it feel soooooooooo goooddd???? it did.. for me.. tt i juz need to keep invitig ppl to come... too bad ey keep rejecting me.. muz really sit down and pray abt it!!! another was using our talents and gifts and multiply them... tts wat i soo wanna do... coz if i dun.. God will take them away.. and my talent is moi drive!!! no talent.. no drive.. no goal in life... no production... no me... haha....
wowowowoowowowow dinner last nite was fantastic.. haha.. dinner at spore chom chom.. amazing.. didnt think of going there till we went last sat wif moi sch fds.. realised tt i haven been there since exams started last yr or b4 tt... than juz went last nite.. and tonite.. im gonna b a regular again.. haha.. i love the cheng teng!!! haha..other than tt... i dunno... cat remember wat i ate last time.. chicken rice, nasi lemak. chwee kueh... tts abt it i think?? char kueh teow... haha... yupz.. tts abt it if im not wrong.. yumz... fellowship as a family was great and the jokes shared... haha really super funni.. TJ!!! u need to clean ur ears often lah... cldnt hear me when i was talking abt mine and sanne's bros.. neither cld u hear Peijet's "when henry met sally".. haha henry seeley.. hahha... tts was funni... well... too much of church?? we're practically living up to DNA!!! hahhahahha.. luv ya church ppl!!! i realli do!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 12:02 pm

*Tuesday, May 03, 2005*

wat really counts? being needed.. or wanting to be needed? erm... sometimes.. things go wrong.. they feel wrong.. and i feel like carp b'coz of them..
wat went wrong today? sometimes... ppl get their hopes too high up.. i do.. i did.. i underestimated wat i cld do, and wat i wanted to do...
all last yr.. some1 kept telling me... "meiling!! u r so gonna play the electric in the band for our yr 12 concrt next yr"... wow.. amazing... i was definately excited.. yupz.. haha... im being really sarcastic now... i mean.. yah.. im happy tt some1 was excited abt me playing more than i was.. but not when this yr came n u get excited abt nothing..
i stick now to the fact tt "if u need me, ask, else.. im not even gonna turn up for any practice tt im not needed in"... sure im pissed.. pissed tt i gave the wrong hopes up to the wrong cause... i've got my own performances to worry abt.. n i dun haf to wait till im needed... i've offered and its up to some ppl to accet tt.. else... they've got more than enuff ppl to organise and get their way ard...
i felt like crap today... sitting there... not knowing if i was really needed.. "yah meiling.. sure u can play"... definately... im not sitting there waiting nemore... nope... no more... if im not involved in a band... im happy to put in all moi effort towards the international students' performance...
i feel different nowadays... yes.. true.. lots of spiritual battle sometimes... lots of time where i juz wanna give up... but im moving... im moving on... trying not to get the horrible side of me up... its not a crime to b angry...
i cld haf easily given up totally.. get affected.. discouraged.. totally let go of everything.. but i realise something diff... i was angry... yes i was.. but i was calm to a certain extent... very disappointed... but not totally given up on performance... i know tt besides playing in a band.. i wanted to do a little dance.. a little singing... and i now tt i can do tt whole heartedly... well.. if i cant do both.. i can do one... and do it well...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:02 pm


miss Wright... 1 woman i respect... though i used to bitch abt her sometime last yr coz she kinda pissed moi off.. but i remember 1 speaker... an old gurl.. hu mentioned tt she always remembered Miss Wright's encouraging sentences to us... yupz... this is one of them...

how different our lives are when we know what is deeply important to us.
when we keep those things in mind, we allow ourselves to be, and to do, what matters most
here's what she says to us "try to be what is important to you and do what matters most. Don't be afraid of the heard work ahead. Be optimistic abt ur ability to conquer the toughest tasks, not get distracted by problems (coz they happen all da time) and succeed in watever it is u wan wifout comprimising or giving up. .... see how much u can do, not b'coz it makes YOU look gd, but b'coz u genuinely care abt achieving something 2 make others feel really, really gd.

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 1:41 pm