*Friday, September 30, 2005*

nows the time to let go of my enjoyment and start sacrificing things i love. hit me real hard that i juz wasted 3 weeks of hols... to not studying, yet its wonderful fellowship week. time to sacrifice enjoyment and start being a nerd or mountain tortise...
work work work... need to study, need to work....

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 5:43 pm

*Saturday, September 24, 2005*

this week... or even these few days has really let me realised how challenging life's been to reach out and focus solely on God... i realised that the more i wanted to sought after Him, the more the devil draws me to awareness that he knows my weaknesses and knows how to damage me... shant go into detail but really know that the devil is trying to pull not only me, but those around me down to prevent us from moving forward in our plans for mamak night or even laser skirmish...

yet i realised that the devil doesnt realised that though he has attacked, and though i haf swayed a bit, i haf not lost my trust in my God, and haf been shown so much more care and love and concern from His children. God protects His children and i believe that... but i believe even more that He provides ppl to show His love and care in times of their needs...

God... thank You... thank You for everything, even for the ppl ard me, the care and concern that i've experienced over the past 2 days.. life's juz amazing right now though its not at its best... but its wonderful... except for th study part... God .. wld You work Your miracles on these areas of my life....

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 6:59 pm

*Tuesday, September 20, 2005*

sitting in sanne's room, and realised that i was drawn to read a certain someone's blog before deciding what i cld blog abt... today, rach called me and started nagging abt studying... sanne prob agreed wif her.. last night's attachments all came back to mind, yet i decided i wasnt gonna get pulled down by them. i dun need to be the smartest, i dun wan to. to me, there's no pt being the cleverest, the most appreciated, the best in the world if i dun haf a God to serve. i wld never exchange my experiences this yr for a better grade, coz i know that it wld not be what God wants.

God walks before us when we haf an issue at hand. in fact, He always walks ahead of us, yet how much do i trust that He'll pull me out of my fears? no more running away. in 1kings, Elijah had to go back and face his problems after being in depression mode. its abt time i did that instead of still hovering over my cannot-do-it.

God detached my attachments and its by faith that i believe that He did and i can go on wif life... wan so much to juz run right into His presence and not be bothered by the weight thats right upon me at this moment in time.

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 1:35 pm

*Monday, September 12, 2005*

2 weeks in a row, all the times during worship, i felt the passion and the need to bring Jamie, Rachel, Vanessa and Kor to church. All this while, Rachel’s name pops up 1st and I really felt I needed to get her in. most of the time, this is accompanied by thoughts that coz she’s so stubborn and coz of her family and friends, she wont accept Christ, or even think abt coming to church.

Pastr Paul Gerling is super good… like.. wow.. Totally blown away by his sermons… stayed mostly for the 1st service on his sermon of prayer and praise and how God uses ordinary people to do the extraordinary stuff because they are in His supernatural presence. How wonderful is God, to put such passions in my heart that I can look back one day and see how far I’ve gone because I’ve walked down my path with God. Today, it was what God’s promise was for us and whether we are facing up to it. 2 weeks in a row and today when Pastr Paul asked us to recall what was said abt us or what God’s promise was on our life, I was brought back to a church camp in Pri 5 or 6 or in my early sec sch years, where a guest speaker, Pastr Tim something, a youth or children’s pastr spoke over me and said that I wld be called to care for the needy and orphans and other stuff, but those stood out so much that even today, when Pastr Rob was talking abt his children’s ministry and what he saw, and not wanting to see 1 child counselor, but 10, I felt something in me ring, like God was telling me no matter how hard a course is, no matter how tough and impossible it seems to be for me, I’ll haf to do it in the end coz its what He’s planned for me…

Talked to stella abt her experience in 1st yr uni and coz she was doing arts/science.. which melb uni gave her by accident coz she only applied for arts after deciding not ti pursue music, she chose forensic science and got so freaked out by the dead bodies that she almost gave up. Not able to sleep at night and with the light off, it was prob seeing relatives pass away that scared her, yet she found her passion in forensic science and it really shook me…

Something she said really stood out… reminded me of exactly what esther said few years back, that God may at times bring us to do stuff we’ve never thought we wld do, or even be able to do it.. and coz He knows our deepest passions even before they are brought to light in us, we’ll go all the way for it…

Life hasn’t been easy for me, emotionally and even academically, yet I felt that because I managed to get through my tough times, I know that there will be tougher times ahead and as long as God’s plan is carried out, I’ll be alright….

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:05 pm

*Thursday, September 08, 2005*

2 more days left of classes and my body's screaming for a break!!! distracting myself after 1/2 hr of lit typing and i need to get more done... in a sate of panic and im nowhere near 100 words, let alone 2000 words for my creative sac... neglecting prayer meet, neglecting inner champ, all to finishing lit, chem and eng tonight... which equals to no sleep, no eat, no rest... so might as well take a little stretch, as i look forward to 1 hr nap later... to bad comp's not working else, i wldnt be going against time when the lib closes at 5.. sighz... neone at college sq at home tonight? need to borrow laptop.. haha..

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 7:36 am

*Wednesday, September 07, 2005*

the title juz came to mind.. nothing unpleasent, juz tt this week of sch has been too much for me... i go to school, and feel.. so opressed by ppl around me, that every word i hear is gossip and back stabbing... really bad mood.. but hey.. wat can i do though i desperately anna skip this last week of sch.. and stay home to study for my sacs...

freindship groups splitting up, more and more ppl are forming their own groups... im prob being more sensitive to the happenings around me

not only tt.. but prob also coz i dread going home nowadays... distraction's there, my bro's there... i prob wont be able to concentrate.. mayb i should move to the library while im awake... haha... some issues to solve in life.. and hate to see them take me over....

def cant wait for the weekend to come... cant wait to get thrus over and done wif.. and start enjoying my last term break...

def going all the way for my studies now, though in the midst of relaxing, i'll def need to push myself to do work, so libraries, here i come!!!!!!

1st final starts 28th Oct... ring a bell Planet Uniers? hhaaa its the day of our mamak night.. woohoo... dunno whether tts gd or bad..

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 7:36 am

*Tuesday, September 06, 2005*

feeling exactly like my heading as above... studies right now a challenge for me.. as usual, as always. How does one get above 90% for his/her VCE results? how does a person wif a LIMITED VOCAB do lit in Australia and MAJORLY misunderstood it in Spore? wanna do well, have tried hard to focus, wanna enjoy my studies and see a diff light towards it. need to plan properly.. tts when laptop "breaks down" and prevents me frm going online... good in a way God always puts a stop to my distractions when He sees the need to. last yr.. notebk stolen 2 weeks b4 exams... this time... its not functioning properly 1 week b4 sep hols...

discipleship has always set me on fire along wif a lot of "is this possible" thoughts... always full of passion, always full of big dreams that we manage to fulfill wif God's help and provision. during church yesterday, juz felt so hard in me that God did an explosion in my heart, for me to see my cousin saved... not to say tt i've never felt like she needed to stop being a 45 min Christian, but i've never felt tt much a passion and desire to see her walk down tt isle and be into the ministry in church. yet God brought me to so much that could stop my way and hers... and He showed how i could start getting into tt stuborn heart of hers, and i suddenly felt like i had to promise God that with all i am, i wld fast, and pray and sacrifice anything, to be able to bring her to Christ by the end of the yr, or even early next yr...

im sick and tired of feeling scared and below her... its time for me to show that im different and studies are def not my everything. a miracle that im so into ministry right now, and i def never saw myself go this far and get so into it before... NEVER EVER...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 8:12 am

*Friday, September 02, 2005*

keeping my mood solem today to keep me "in the mood" to write a personal biography in the style of Robert Drewe.... how should i write it, how can i have an effect on my reader, how can i arrange the series of happenings to make it interesting and attractive? what should i base my story line on, how can i write it to fit 2000 words? all these qns running thru my head, and as i blog, ppl behind me are speaking specialist maths... haha... not a happy day today.... def need a relaxation mode after 2 hrs of writting...

not really stressed abt it b4... but my lit teacher decided to show us what others did to get 40 out of 40 and tt got us stressing when he went round and round the bush. oh wells... only for 2 hrs.. then another 24 throughout the week and im done, and ready to hand my final essay exactly 1 week later...

tts one good thing abt lit sacs so far... can bring home and do.. why we need 2 hrs today is a real blur but it sucks... hhaa... need to get pts down.. to arrange my throughts in order and pull of ordinary detail in ordinary life and chnage it to extraordinary happenings in ordinary situations...

Robert Drewe... how does stepping on a fig represent sexuality.. how does the morning represent sexual awakening? argh!!!! can i juz talk abt church these past few mths... so much more to write.. too bad Robert Drewe was not a passionate Christian who attended Planet Shakers in Melbourne... else... i would have lots to relate to him!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

was talking to a schhol friend abt buying birthday presents during lunch yesterday afternoon... and she commented tt the money i spent on buying gifts can be added together to buy expensives gifts for myself... tt kinda shook me up a bit... why do i hardly think of that, why do i seldom hear that coming from anyone else? then i thought abt why people buy each other gifts. shouldnt it be because we care for one another and wanna bless each other loads with the gifts we given them? shouldnt we wanna show them how special they are and how much we care for them and their importance in our lives they are to us? if we used the same amount of money and boughts expensive gifts for ourselves, what's the percentage that we would be as happy as we as a group putting $$ in together and hunting for an expensive present for another?

lit time...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:35 am