sometimes the unexpected turns out to be what He sees your heart to be made of

*Tuesday, November 29, 2005*

thank God for u guys.... all of u.. for counting down, celebrating... for everything... the presents, the cake... the candles, the supper... everything... if u all were here.... i wld haf started crying.. coz im so touched and thankful for all of u....

its been a while since i celebrated moi b'dae.. and its such an honour and blessing to celebrate such an unforgetful birthday wif u all... never had this kinda celebration.. and its one i'll def neva forget.!!!!

for the wetness... the shower.. the fountain, the pictures... the dares which i neva got to do... hhaa.. even for tt amazing card... thank you so much.....

I LOVE PLANET UNI AND EVERYONE IN CITY CHURCH

THANK YOU SANNEY KHOO FOR EVERYTHING... planning... though i kinda knew it frm the hints and whispering... haha... thanks

thank you SCOTT, BONNIE, EELIN, PEIJET, SUELYNN, BRODIE, JEREMY, VINCENT, JONO, SILAS, PHEBE(for calling), BILLY, MAUREEN,JOLYN

LOVE U ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!! * MUCKS*

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 8:07 pm

when im down, He lifts me up...
when i worry, He says its all gonna be ok...

Here I stand within your presence

Longing for your touch

A thousand days cannot compare

To one day in your courts

Hold me now and never ever let me go

My Jesus

My precious Saviour

I'm forever Yours

1 hr to ps sch of music concert.... 5 plus hrs to a new day, to a new step of life... to legal life.... yet i still wanna ask myself wat i wan... a fulfilling day for me... or a God fulfilled day? whats my passion? where im headed to? what im expecting?

i wanna say to "him" its not the presents... its not the cost... its the difference tt comes wif a whole new day... its the attitude... its the love... i dun wan anything... i wan ur love... yet i dont know how to tell him tt im still hurt... i dunno how to tell God i dont know how to let go...

when one has to overcome her language barrier and is still willing to come to church.. its an awesome sight... last night, went in, and a whole new feeling came upon me.. to feel hunger, to feel touched by the determination some ppl haf... i wan tt kinda hunger too.. coz right now i feel as though im struggling against a language barrier wif God...

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if anyone can tell me how to change the time on my blog pls tell.... i've changed it frm la time to aust and everything's all mixed up.... argh!!! how?

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*Friday, November 25, 2005*

in love wif this song.... and its been in my head since Phebe sang it to me... haha... thanks jono... for sending it to me too... haha... wowowoow... love this song!!!

“How Wonderful” – Henry Seeley

Jesus
Beautiful Saviour
God of all majesty
Risen King

Lamb of God
Holy and righteous
Beautiful Redeemer
Bright Morning Star

All creation shouts Your praise
All the nations bow
To Worship You

How wonderful, How Beautiful
Jesus Your majesty, Exalted High
How wonderful, How beautiful
Jesus your name
Name above every name
Jesus

I could sing forever
Jesus I love you
Jesus I love you

Jesus
Beautiful Saviour

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 7:06 am

this week... has been a revealing week for me... in the sense tt im talking to many ppl abt the courses im interested in... and i realised that a lot of things on the surface can be resolved when dug deep into it.... courses may not haf been tt bad... unis may not haf such a great reputation... so on and so forth... yet it all comes down to... why worry so much when there's nothing i can do but pray?

chatting wif pstr Matt yesterday made me realise a lot.. and confirmed a lot of things.. abt why i was here... and even in eelin's ul... it made me realise tt all of us planted here in city church were not called all the way from the comfort zone of our country juz to study.. but to be a blessing, and to be rooted in God... so tt if we were to return to our previous environment, we cld be, as what Matt mentioned, a spark which sets of the fire within the ppl surrounding us...

what i believe in now.... my situation seems big to me coz its in my face... yet small to others who haf faced it and are already in the next phase of their lives... the similarity, is that we all hang on tightly to God, coz He closes the doors which are not part of our calling... and He finds a way to let us detour... if we were so blind as to walk into tt already closed door.... no matter what mistakes we make, no matter the falls we have... God will always be there to pick us up... and turn us ard, shld we stayaway frm the path tt He has created for us...

i juz wanna walk in His presence, look at course outlines wif a relaxed and eager to know heart.. and leave the rest up to Him.... lets go one step at a time... and for now... my stepis to wait for my results... and take tt few days to change my preference...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 7:05 am

*Wednesday, November 23, 2005*

had a chat wif stella last night.. and well.. discovered a lot about my weaknesses... my inconfidence... my wall tt i set up myself.. the abilities that i stop myself from reaching... one thing that stella reminded me was tt it was time for me to cross my jordan river...

the end of the yr is coming... this leads to the new start of next yr... so many things planned... so many things to step out... so many things to do.. and i cannot hold back... it my free will.. it my decision... its my calling that i should be after and not hold back... if God says i can do something.. why do i say He's wrong? who am i? im God's creation...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 8:33 am

*Sunday, November 20, 2005*

tonight i dun wanna c miss s at all... well.. lets juz say im sensitive and cannot forget at the moment... but i still cant forgive what she did to me... though i know she's apologised... but it makes me wonder what kind of friends i haf.... and what kind i really wanna continue befriending...

friends who are willing to go through think and thin wif me... or friends hu r juz there when they feel like it... i dunno how to face her.. coz im disappointed.. really let down by our friendship... or the way she has taken it... but now i wanna say... tt i dunno how to face a friend i know, who will never go thru life's real journey wif me at this point in time...

there's another... hu... well.. i dunno.. coz i dun wanna spoil it for her... hu tries to do her best for me.. though sometimes she's well... unable to pull it off successfully... has shown me what friends can do... to u.. tt secret friend in my heart... i juz wanna say... thank you... for the effort u've put in after exams.. or mayb even before... and for those in the near future... well... its oon to be revealed.. so... haha... THANK YOU... I LOVE YOU **mucks!!!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 8:03 am

*Friday, November 18, 2005*

finished exams... finished watching one whole hk drama series... and im almost bored out of my brains...
dreading getting results...
dreading needing to write up moi resume and handing it in.. aiyah.. i really dun wanna work.. but hahaa... its part time neway... looking forward to moving hse... coz tt means something t do... haha... might as well start packing now since i've got nothing to do... aiyayayaya....

12 more days...

dunno what to expect...
time passing really slowly...
dunno what to do
dunno what to feel
missing home
want hawkers food
wanna see God work more in my life...
feeling a little empty
sigh

having a convo wif me mum on msn... wondering whether its really her...
hmmm...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 2:00 pm

*Friday, November 11, 2005*

listening to "all for love", reading abt suicidal bombers killing 57 in Jordan Hotels... even a wedding celebration was not let off.... and the words "thou they know not what they do" drifted into the air....

yesterday.. sitting on the train... those green, old ones tt hardly ppear anymore for me to sit in.. and well.. yah.. we were going off.. and i looked out and went dizzy... specks of dirt on that window, disallowed me to appreciate the natural view outside which i always enjoy in the morning... when nature became the backgroud, my vision becomes blur, yet when its in the foreground, i can see clearly and ignore the dirt...

this whole week.. i felt like i cldnt grasp onto Him, tt i had almost given up hope coz my maths paper to me was a tota disaster... a complete disappointment... its like life... when dirt comes forward, we hardly reach into the beautiful plans that God has for us... we see the greatness that He has, but we fail to appreciate the plans He has for us, to play a part in His kingdom.... its like looking thru a window, and not being able to fully appreciate God, coz we cant see... its like God telling me tt even the smallest speck of dirt can blind a person, and forbid me to see the fullness of His capability...

do those bombers deserve to be put down or sympatised wif? sacrificing their lives for a cause they believe to be suitable... leaving behind family and friends... i remember once.. reading somewhere.. tt the Americans report stuff that affect them, but they dun show how the Iraqi ppl are doing.. isnt this a biased view? whose fault is this.. that terror arises? mayb if there was fairness and compassion and mutal understanding b/w both countries... then mayb the rest of the world wld be spared frm this disaster...

still remember monday morning... moi classmate calling at 7am juz to ask whether i was taking the train to sch coz of terrorist warning attacks on trains... i mean.. seriously... calling tt early, juz b4a math exam really freaked me out.. but there was internally peace, coz i didnt feel like God was saying.. take a cab to sch.. haha.. i was practically laughing at moi fd.. hu eventually took a cab to sch.. but.. seiously.. i was questioning God juz b4 i left.. and well.. i told Him tt i knew my time wasnt over yet, coz i hadnt even started the beginning of my race wif Him, and i haven even fulfilled the prophesy tt was said onto me.. so i told Him.. right straight in the face.. that i wasnt prepared to go coz my work for Him wasnt done.. and well.. yah.. im still alive.. and laughing at my fd whom i neva thot wld be so scared of death...

Praise God for His eternal calmness and rationally, tt i cld put to use.. in times of.. sillyness.. fear.. happiness.. solving misunderstandings... may the rest of the world recieve some of that too.. beautiful isnt He? the Lord hu gives His all, everyday, no matter wat we do wrong.. no matter how much we disappoint... His love juz pours out... much more than we can imagine.. every sec of our lives...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 5:45 am

*Thursday, November 10, 2005*

bro's got his application all approved.. now waiting for visa to get done... they wan him to go over in dec.. tts NEXT MTH.... meaning i haf to look for accommodation right next week so tt i can start packing up and moving out...
kinda excited to move.. to pack up and reorganised stuff... but leaves me wif the fear tt i might get into somewhere far... or might need to redo yr 12.... sighz...

qn: y is ife so tough?
ans: so we can depend on God...

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:51 pm

isnt this so much clearer?

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 3:48 pm

*Monday, November 07, 2005*

reading blogs on my list.. and felt at the end.... a bout of homesickness...

mum's going back next sun... exactly a week frm today.... duno wat to say, except tt her stay was way too short... too short.. i mean... 1 mth.. for my exams.. and 2 days to spent wif her.. tts like so not enuff... but oh wellz... its even greater tt she's missing moi 18th by 2 WEEKS AND MY FAV COUSIN'S GOING TO M'SIA WIFOUT ME AND MISSING MY 18TH!!! so yah.. well.. tts abt it...
haha.. not really... someone once asked me... wont i feel lonly when eveyone's gone by jan and im still stuck here in melb waiting for my results?.. the ans: i dun really wanna think abt tt right now...

exams exams... the fact tt im not dow wif depression is a gd sigh, yet the fact tt im not uptight abt it is a miracle... though tears do come on a continuous basis... im not thinking abt my enter right now, except for the fact tt it costs a lot... $$ wise... so.. i really wanna start working when i can and help pay for uni...
sometimes... i really think abt the $$ spent on me, and the $$ rolling in.. i dunno wat the ratio is... but all i know tt for a family wif "no breadwinner"err... tts a bit on the edge... my mum "earns" her $$ by "listening to God" for advice on something which im not planning to mention * cheeky* and my bro... well.. lets juz say... his $ is mostly my mum's as well.. get da hint? so now.. hhaa... im kinda in the mood of juz hecking uni and working till i can pay uni off by myself.. but tt wld mean more $$ needed.. so might as well study and work at the same time..

i dunno where God will lead me... but i do know that i having this continuous dreading feeling tt always seems to be 98% accurate, tt i might not get the enter i'm kinda aiming for moi 1st preference... unless God reveals a plan and a miracle, im kinda stuck in moi almost "depressing state".... sigh... feel like juz "dying" in His presence right now, and emerge a newborn... isnt tt the whole point,to "kill" one's old self everyday, to emerge a newborn to carry on the rest of the day? really wanna grasp onto Him and never let go, yet y do i feel like im constantly not letting Him in?
the barrier tt prevents Him frm coming in and putting His comfy arms ard me is beginning to go up and it has to come down asap.... God.. im gonna pray for a breakthrough today in church... argh!!! help!!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 4:21 am

*Friday, November 04, 2005*

its after 11.. and i haf a math paper tomorrow early morning, yet after reading a few ppl's blogs on mamak nite.. i juz feel the need to honour so many ppl tt i've missed 2 entries ago...

to each and every team leader.. u've all seriously done more than anyone can ask for, forking out time despite assignments due, and exams round the corner... wif working so cooperately wif ur team memeber and really not complaining and stressing...

to Matt & Lisa... all u've done for us... i can only be left speechless... coz u've both shown me what true leadership means.... not sitting back and relax, watching us do our thing for God... but serving as well.... like.... when i saw Lisa helping out wif packing p... i was.. seriously.. shocked... and now.. come to think abt it.. though it no where as extreme as Jesus washing the feet of Hid diciples, it was almost the same... i was almost gonna go up to her and tell her to leave it to us... but to see her determination to do her part, and to feel the concern she had when she asked whether we had eaten when everyone was finally settled stomach wise, was really heart warming.. and to even find out that Matt wasnt feeling well, it was truly God's hand upon him, coz i really cldnt tell tt he was not at his 100% health....

to each and everyone who helped out... wow... im sad to say tt imone of the veri few not-involved-in-the-planning/helpout process, and i wanna say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for juz making things seem so easy... i mean.. for someone who is dying to be involved in the process of mamak nite.. and to turn up on the day itself and do what im told... u guys all seem to be so organised and its like... really as though u guys haf done this 1000000000 times... like its ur daily routine kinda thing... so.. yesh... WELL DONE PLANET UNI....
LOVE YOOSS

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 6:08 pm

You are the peace that guards my heart

my help in times of need

You are the hope that leads me on

And brings me to my knees

And there i find you waiting

And there i find relief

So with all my heart i’ll worship

And unto you i sing

For you alone deserve all glory

For you alone deserve all praise

Father we love you and adore you

Father we long to see your face

Father we love you and

we worship you this day

last week, when i was praying abt my eng exam, and feeling so stressed and consumed by it... this song came to mind, and since then.. almost everynight, i think abt it and sing it onto our Lord...i shld give Him all glory for everything, including my exams...i shld be filled wif only His peace, even at this crucial point in time, i shld focus only on Him...

al lot of things weren't made possible if it was not for Him and His guidence and discipline... i can haf fun, but i can also study and know what i should know... God is good, He is faithful... He is true...

dunno wat else to say, but thank You.. for all the people that He has surrounded me wif... all the blessing He has provided me wif, even wif the cheng teng.. haha.. thanks so much... !!!!

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 5:40 am

*Tuesday, November 01, 2005*

reading the emails t haf gone by... reading ppl's blogs... and its kinda hard ti imagine tt the event that we've all been planning for the longest amts of time haf come to pass
all the thank yous.. its amazing... dunno wat other word to use... but fantastic.. awesome... wowowowowowowwowo....
watever we do here... its like a testimony to bing back to where we come from, to inspire, and to grab hold of new groups of ppl to move on and serve in church....
its a new light that non-Christians see what we're doing.. and its a moyivation for existing Christians to move on and forward in their serving....
it reminds me of this song...

Find Us Faithful - Steve Green (People Need The Lord)

We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way

Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

Chorus:
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift though all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find

Repeat Chorus

ling long picked a waterdrop @ 5:00 am