the wonders of the world.. all ard me... the love, the care, the joy.... i miss my childhood, yet im looking forward to more in life... the excitement, the fulfilment... knowing some ppl more recently.... felt tt life's ful of joy no matter the pressure, the hardship.. the politics... sometimes i wanna be lazy... sometimes i juz wan a break... yet i feel so blessed when they're happy.. coz they're smiles and laughter juz make my day....
i love u i love u i love u..... to al my beloveds out there.....
the beautiful thing abt our ever so faithful Lord... He answers at a time which suits Him best... and at a time which speaks to me best.... i believe... tt im last min... and i believed tt it was exactly what He gave me... a "last min" answer... welll.. prob not last min... but prob 2 nights before the due date... haha
God... the amazing awesome Heavenly Daddy who believes so much in me, tt even the negative me has to think positive about me.... hmmmm... wonder how i did tt.. but i haf now... God, who believes in us.. created us, for His purpose... tt i cant doubt... tt He has gotten a hold on me...
wat am i doing... climbing to bed at 2... semi-conscious till 5.. and not sleeping again.... ok.. tts bad... n the last time this kinda thing happened... it was during vce exams... wat am i thinking abt.... i haf no idea.... prob wat i ate? or why im awake? waiting to hear a thief.. in case tts y im awake for... or for a stomachache... for a problem to worry abt... but nothing... juz a really awake mind, and tired, dry eyes....
sigh... so might as well blog huh... wat a great past time.... i wan to sleep... i need to sleep.. but i dun trust my semi-consciousness now... so had to cancel my driving by smsig my instructor at 5 in the morning... its def not the driving.. coz i've never had sleepless nights over it... so till now.. lets juz take it as the milk tea i had at dessert hse is keeping me this awake... which isnt gd.. coz it the wrong time to be awake!!!! aiyah yah yah yah...
embarassing moments... def haf... n im hoping tt whoever placed it up can take it down... to spare me err... face and a wonderful reputation...which is prob destroyed by now... notice i haven said hu or where.. haha.. saving myself for the time being.. pls pls pls... tell him/her to take it down!!!! argh!!!
love Him, and standing in awe at the wonder He has done in my life... the ppl He has surrounded me wif... lets juz say tt if i had lotsa $$ i wld haf bought each and every person who has changed my life a mansion each!! tts how much i wanna thank the God-given you in my life....
when some1 u dun really noe shares something ... deep.. wif u... wats ur reaction? amazing huh... but when some1 hu doesnt noe u really well can see the joy in ur face when telling them ur goals for the future... tts awesome!!! tts a revelation... a confirmation...
does it take stress to bring out the passion in you? does it take desperation to finally see what u're called for? for myself.... its at this exact pt in time... when im making decisions for the next step in life... tt God has placed desires in my heart... and i wanna see it happen... in the near future.. welll.. at least i noe wat i wanna accomplish before i die.. and move on... haha...
amazing how God strings together the past desires tt i've had and forgotten abt.. and in my moments of confusion and worry... brings them all back to mind.. to remind me what i desire... what i can aim for... where my passion lies.... mayb its kids in the future... when the motherly instinct in me starts to stir.. but juz 3 secs ago... i know where im heading to....
mayb i've blogged abt this b4... but i wanna share.. in this really long entry.... tt i finally haf strung together and confirmed myself of what my passion is and where it shld lie...
frm the chat i had wif Jeremy during the week, to the inspiration i had abt the unfortunate in Africa in "an australian idol in africa", to the wanting to go to Africa after 40-hr famine, to my desire to be a missionary in the past, to the prophesy spoken over me in pri church camp.... its all falling into place right now... at 630 in the morning... 8 yrs of desires... and finally an explaination for who i am and what i've learnt abt myself.... the wonder of God... i can only say...
mummy... i see it... you dont have to guess anymore... i see the plans unfold before my very eyes.. no more tt whisper on the phone, but JESUS I LOVE YOU AND I THANK YOU, FOR EVERYTHING!!!!
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you.
wrote an entry.. published it... after an hr... deleted it... tts wat i like abt blogs.... u can delete things frm memory.... wat abt life? can we do tt too? frm complaining, being in confusion, worry, to desperation.... im kinda at peace now... i know wat i wanna do... i c my goal... nows its juz the process, which i noe wont be easy... be it in uni.. after uni.. during work... i noe im choosing a foreign environment.. over a familiar... friend -filled one... but mayb... tts to lessen my comparison, allowing me to go out there,make more friends, instead of juz being in my comfort zone... mayb its preparing me for the future... where i haf to face more of this.. but hey.. tts only in sch... i still haf my seniors... i still haf my fds ard me.. juz.. not during sch hrs.. its a sacrifice.. but i know He will hold me on... and allow me to reach my goal...
this may be personal.. but hey... do i care? not really.. coz i know tt wat i proclaim, i do wan it to come true.... so.. to my goal of missions, africa visiting, showing reality.. here comes hardship... def not suffering... but a lot of creativity...
y? coz He's good... He's faithful.. He knows tt i will learn... no matter wat the outcome is... hey.. this is a cool test... for a wonderful testiment to come about...
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